A Lover's Revenge
by eudaemania
Summary: What happens when Rick stands eye to eye with the sniper that tried to kill Kate? Will he pull the trigger, and will Kate keep her promise of 'Don't worry Castle, I'd get you out.?
1. Chapter 1

**Oh god, did I just really start another fic…? I guess so. I know I'm writing like three already, and I really shouldn't. I'm sorry! But I got this idea and I just couldn't let it go..**

**Again, this is a bit angsty, and uhm, it's rated T for freedom in later chapters, dark themes and language.**

**If you recognize the song that inspired me to write this, drop your guess in a review! **

**A/N: Do I look like I am Andrew Marlowe? Nah I don't think so.**

**A Lover's Revenge**

They stood in the dark alley, face to face, guns pointed at each other, only a few feet in between the two men.

His heart was beating in his throat and all he could feel was disgust, hate and rage for the man standing in front of him.

He couldn't see his face, though. The man stood in the dark, his head bowed down but clearly focusing on him.

He thought about pulling the trigger, ending it all. He didn't care that the man's last action would probably be shooting him, he didn't care that he would die, because this man… this man ruined his life, tore his world apart.

There was not enough evidence –or at least evidence that the law would approve of- to convict him. He would walk out of the courtroom without any punishment. And this man needed to be punished.

Castle was not a violent man. Not at all. He saw criminals every day when he was at the precinct, and yes, he was disgusted by most of them but it had never gotten to the point where he just wanted to put a bullet through their brain. But the man standing in front of him, no, let me rephrase that, the _monster_ standing in front of him was an exception.

He'd ruined the life of the woman he loves, therefore his life too. He'd made their life a living hell, he'd ruined so many things. And he knew, that even though the NYPD did good work, they were not good enough to convict this man, because this man was standing above the law. As much as he hated to admit it, this man was stronger than the full precinct all together.

But even this man could not fight a bullet.

And the writer knew that this was probably his only chance to end this. It was the only way, and the only chance he would get.

He would probably get himself killed, but come on, who cares? Martha would take care of Alexis, and they would miss him, but they would be okay. And Kate… Kate would be okay too. She would be happy that this man was dead. She would be happy this was over. And she would eventually find someone who would break down her walls for her.

He swallowed hard. He would miss them. So much. But he had to do this.

Finally he spoke and raised his head and he could see his face.

Against all expectations Castle had had, he looked normal. Like he could be your neighbor, a teacher, a father. He knew that he could've passed him on the street and wouldn't notice how much evil this man had inside him. He could've even signed a book for him on his book-signing and he wouldn't even remember.

''Why?'' He said. His voice almost emotionless, but loud and stern, which kinda ruined the picture-perfect normal guy appearance.

It was silent for a minute.

''She knew too much. He will not go down for this. And I won't either.'' His voice was exactly as how he would've expected it to be. Robot-like, with no emotion.

''Yes. Yes you will.''

He then laughed. A scary, evil, un-happy, sarcastic laugh.

''You're so naïve. You're not going to leave this alley. You're not going to walk out. You were so stupid to come here. So naïve. Do you really think, that you can handle me? That you can handle Him?''

''You talk about him like he's God.'' He spit back. ''Well, I'll tell you this. He's not. Whoever he is, he's just a stupid asshole. Only human. Just like you. Just like me.'' He then continued as there came no answer. ''There's just one little difference. You're no good, he's no good, but I am, and Kate is.'' He had to bite back the tears at the mention of his muse's name.

''She's just a stupid, naïve bitch. To think she can find Him. Pf.'' He spit on the ground and Castle's disgust only grew. He could feel the rage building up inside him and felt his finger ache to just fucking pull the trigger, put a bullet to the monster's brain. How dare he to talk about Kate like that, how dare he?

But he just stood there.

''And what an idiots you all were. You could've easily spotted me, but instead you jumped up to your lovely detective. Did you really think that you being close to her would help her survive a bullet through the heart? Ha!''

He wanted to yell at him, run towards him and beat the crap out of him. But he knew within one step he'd be dead. And besides, he wasn't worth it. So he stayed still.

''If you hadn't felt the need to show your unrequited love to her I might now be dead. But you did, so yeah, lucky for me I guess.'' He said grinning.

''In fact, if you hadn't pushed her to look into her mother's murder, she might not even been shot. Then she might not look into the mirror every morning and cry while she traces that scar. Then she might not be the broken mess she is.'' He cocked his head and studied the writer's expression.

''Yeah, I know that, I keep my eye on her.'' He said, and he could almost trace a bit of pride in his voice.

''You're spying on her?'' He choked. His hate for this man grew even bigger every second, and he thought he was already on the limit before he even met him.

''Ah well, I think we both agree that that is not the worst thing I ever did uh?''

He noticed his whole body was trembling with rage and he was surprised that he didn't feel any sign of fear.

''You know it's too bad. That there'll be another fatherless daughter within a few minutes Alexis, that's her name right? I'm sorry I have to do this to her. I have kid too.''

This guy had no fucking right to talk about his daughter, and he sure as hell didn't have the right to be the father of a kid.

''I'm sorry for your kid.''

''Ah, well it's just the job uh. What's the difference? Nobody finds it weird when your father's a butcher..'' He said, and Castle's patience was running out.

''Yeah well then maybe it's just because you're an asshole.'' He said, no longer able to keep his cool.

''I am an asshole? I think you're a bigger asshole than I am. You are the one who is responsible for all this. If you hadn't pushed her there was nothing to fix and she could be happy right now.''

Then something exploded inside him and he pulled the trigger. Bam.

Before he even realized it the man in front of him slowly fell down on the cold bricks, a pool of blood appearing around his body.

He dropped the gun to his side and walked closer to the dying sniper. He squatted down next to him and looked him deep into his eyes.

''H…He will make… you.. pay.'' He sputtered, but blood was pouring out of his mouth and stained Rick's hands.

''Tell the Devil I said hi.'' He said before he turned around and walked away.

…

He ran. He didn't know where he was going and he had no idea what to do. Did he just walk over to the bad side? He had expected to die in that alley, but he knew he would take the man with him. He just hadn't expected to get out of there alive and he had no fucking idea what to do.

He was sure the cops would find him. And he couldn't go and see Alexis and his mother like this.

After a few more minutes he ended up at Kate's doorstep. It was only now he felt the tears stream down his face. What the hell had he done…

She opened the door for him, she looked shocked at seeing his face full of tears. Then she looked down and saw all the blood and her eyes widened even more.

''Oh my god Rick are you okay?'' She said, her face clouded with concern and she pulled him inside.

'''What happened? Rick! Talk to me!'' She panicked.

''I… I'm so sorry Kate…'' He sobbed.

''What are you talking about?'' She said.

''I… I killed him…'' He stammered. ''I shot him.''

''What? Who?''

''The man... who shot you. The sniper. I… ''

_He had been working on her case behind her back. For months nothing came up, but then one day he got a call. A call from the same guy that had called him when Kate first came back to work. _

_He told him, that the sniper, the guy that had tried to shoot Kate, had noticed him working on the case. That he knew that Rick knew too much. _

_The ''brain'' behind the whole operation didn't know about it, or at least, that is what he'd been told, and the man said that he'd be outraged if he ever found out. _

_So the sniper wanted to make a deal. Meet him in an alley somewhere, face to face, alone. To finish this. Beckett had stopped investigating, so so should he. If he didn't he would kill Beckett anyway. _

_He knew it was a stupid decision, he was bound to die, but he had no choice. It was like suicide, he knew that, but he couldn't just let Beckett die for him._

_So that's what he did. _

_On a Monday night, midnight he'd entered the alley with a gun in his hand and the knowledge that he was going to die that night. _

_He'd kissed Alexis goodnight while she was asleep and told her he loved her. He'd hugged his mother before heading out, and he'd left a note in his pocket for the medical examiner to find. _

_Because, yeah, he knew the drill. He knew how they would investigate and add him to the long list of victims that were connected to the Johanna Beckett case._

_And Kate would cry. Because not only he died, not only he was murdered, not only he died for her, but he died for he mother, and now he was another victim connected to her mother's case._

…_._

''…Rick…'' She stammered speechless as he finished telling her what happened. She wasn't even mad about him working on her mom's case behind her back, because she was more concerned about Rick. Then tears started to form together with the realization that this wasn't going to end well. That she was going to lose another person that she… cares for.

''I'm so sorry. But… I had no choice. He would've never been convicted if he would get a trial. There just wasn't enough evidence.''

''I…'' She didn't know what to do. She was a cop, and she knew she could probably help him cover up, but wouldn't take make her the same as her mom's killer?

''I'm… I'm going to turn myself in, Kate.'' He sighed. ''It's the only fair thing to do. I can't… I can't hide this forever, I can't do that to you or Alexis and my mother either.''

''Okay.'' She sighed and she was so deeply disappointed with herself for not knowing how to deal with this situation. ''But it's gonna be alright. Okay Rick? I'm gonna take care of that. I'm gonna make sure that it's gonna be alright. I promise. You did a good thing.''

''I know. But there is no evidence.''

''Then I will find it.'' And then her usual determination was back. ''Rick I promise you that things will be alright. I will not stop looking for evidence until I find every damn thing there is to find to get you out of there.'' She gulped, and she was shocked by the last words she spoke, because even though they both knew it, they hadn't said the word yet.

''Okay.'' He said as attempted to dry his face but stopped just in time before his bloodstained hands touched his face.

She reached out for him and wiped the tears away for him.

''It's gonna be okay. Promise.''

''You sure?'' He asked.

''Always.'' She responded.

''Always.'' He replied and despite the situation their eyes lit up a little at the use of the word.

…

He walked into the police station, his clothes and hands still stained with blood and dirt, his eyes red and rimmed from crying.

''Hello sir, what are here for?'' A big, tall cop said. He looked tired and quite uninterested in whatever he had to say.

Rick took a deep breath. This was it. His last second of freedom.

''I… I mur… I killed a man.''

**So sorry to leave you hanging there, but I think I'll update soon. **

**Please leave e review to let me know how I'm doing, to share your opinion or leave me some suggestions. Reviews make me write a hell of a lot faster so you know what to do (:**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the second chapter! Thank you all for your positive responses, feedback, etc. I really appreciate them (:**

**When I re-read the first chapter I noticed I had made some spelling errors, I'm sorry about that, I hadn't proof-read it. I don't really have time to correct them, but I will do it sometime (:**

**Okay, before you start reading, I want to say that I have absolutely no idea how the procedure for murder goes, (well I do know how the investigation goes, but how they actually treat the killer, and how the rules in prison are etc.) so everything you read is purely made up by this wonderful thing called my imagination and things I saw in movies and tv-shows. So yeah. Ahah.**

**A Lover's Revenge**

_Previously:_

_He walked into the police station, his clothes and hands still stained with blood and dirt, his eyes red and rimmed from crying._

_''Hello sir, what are here for?'' A big, tall cop said. He looked tired and quite uninterested in whatever he had to say._

_Rick took a deep breath. This was it. His last second of freedom._

_''I… I mur… I killed a man.''_

The cop behind the desk blinked before his eyes gazed over Rick's bloody hands and he seemed to realize that he was not joking.

''Fuck.'' He muttered under his breath. Then he grabbed his phone and called somebody.

Then everything happened so quickly.

Two armed cops walked up to him and cuffed him, then grabbed him by his upper-arms and dragged him into an interrogation room where he waited for what seemed over an hour, but in fact were merely minutes.

They had handed him a wet towel and some stuff to clean himself a bit after a medical examiner he didn't seem to recognize took some DNA samples.

Then the door opened and a duo of cops entered the room. One of them was tall and muscles, looked like he was in his early 30's, with short black hair. The other was smaller and a bit bigger, his hair was already getting grey-ish and he suspected he was in his 50's.

''I'm Detective Smith, this is Detective Reed, homicide.'' The older one spoke as they both sat down.

Castle swallowed, thinking about how many times he and Beckett had done this exact same thing and how he would've never guessed that one day he'd be the guilty one, the criminal sitting on the other side of the table.

He nodded politely, that was the least he could do right? Being polite.

''Richard Castle.'' He said.

''So can you talk us through what happened?'' The younger detective said.

''Hey aren't you that guy that follows Beckett around?'' Detective Smith interrupted his partner.

''Uh yeah.'' He said.

They detectives nodded as a gesture for him to continue.

''I.. uh. I guess you know about the shooting at Captain Montgomery's funeral?'' He asked, but he knew it was more a rhetorical question than a real one. Everyone knew about it. ''Well, after the shooting we have tried to look for the sniper everywhere but there were no leads. So Captain Gates shut down the case. I asked Beckett to stop investigating the case, because…'' he gulped, because he knew there was a big chance Beckett had followed him to the precinct and was now watching him from behind the glass.

He explained the situation, trying so hard to tell the truth without betraying Montgomery. He just couldn't do that, not to Montgomery, not to Beckett and not to himself.

''So tonight. I went there, and I knew… I knew I was going to die, because..'' He chuckled emotionless. ''What is a mystery novelist against a professional killer, right? And he was there, and… we talked.

I knew he was going to shoot me eventually, even if I would shoot him first his last action would be pulling that trigger to take me down with him. And I knew that this was my only chance, there just wasn't enough evidence to convict him, but he confessed to me that he did it.

I know he did it. I didn't mean to do it but then he just crossed the line, started saying things about… well… personal things and… I lost it, he didn't have the right to say things like that, and deep down I knew that if he didn't die right now he would…'' he could feel tears coming up again. ''He would try to kill Beckett again. So I pulled the trigger.'' He sighed and dropped his head into his hands.

''Our teams are right now looking at the body, what was his name again?'' Detective Smith asked.

''I don't know. I don't know his name, he probably has thousands of false identities.'' He shrugged as he wiped the tears away, but he was disgusted by his own body, it still smelled like death.

''Okay, so let me get this straight; Did you kill this man out of self-defense, or not?'' Smith asked.

''In a way. Not directly but I knew that he was going to kill me if I didn't kill him. And then he would kill Beckett.'' He said, a desperate look in his eyes, his heart clenching at the thought of Beckett dying. He was never going to let that happen. Never again.

''And you came here immediately after the murder?'' Reed then said.

''No. I went to Beckett's place first.'' He said as he tried to ignore the annoyed look on the younger detective's face.

''Excuse me for asking, but what exactly is your relationship with Detective Beckett? Because from what you are telling us I feel like you are more than partners.'' Detective Reed asked him as he laid his hands on the table.

''I… I don't… We're friends.'' He offered a weak smile.

''Okay.'' He nodded understandingly. ''Can't blame you.'' He then spoke, and Castle immediately lost some respect for the man.

''So what did you do there?'' Smith took over.

''I was confused and… scared. So I just ended up at her apartment, and she let me in, asked what was wrong, I explained the situation to her and the I told her I was going to turn myself in before things got worse.''

Then the door of the interrogation room opened and Beckett walked in, dressed in sweats and her hair in a loose ponytail, just like she'd been looking when she was home, like she's just gotten out of bed which was probably the case.

There was a new addition to her appearance, though. Her makeup ran down her face, and you could see that she'd tried to wipe it clean. She looked like she'd seen a ghost.

''Castle, you want a lawyer.'' She said in a hoarse voice.

''Kate… I…'' He ran his hand through his hair and turned away from her, trying to hide his face from her, not wanting her to see him like this. ''I'm so sorry.''

''I…'' She started crying. He couldn't help but let the tears flow either, he'd never seen her like this, except maybe when she shot Dick Coonan and when Montgomery died, but like this…

Then the door opened again and Ryan and Esposito ran in.

''What the hell is going on here!'' Esposito exclaimed, and his face when pale when she saw Rick sitting on the opposite side of the table, blood staining his clothes.

''Dude, what the hell have you done…?'' Ryan spoke softly.

It was like they were waiting for someone to stand up laughing, telling them this was all a joke, or someone to tell them that Castle had been witnessing a murder and just ''stood to close'' or anything like that.

But you didn't need to be a detective to see what was going on.

All the evidence pointed at the obvious.

''Bro, you didn't…'' Esposito almost-whispered.

''Sorry guys. I'm so sorry. But I.. I couldn't… Beckett… I…'' He stammered.

''Please tell me this is some kind of sick joke. This ain't funny.'' Ryan then said, his voice unsure and unstable.

''Hello guys, this is a murder investigation, not a family reunion. Could you please leave the damn room?'' Detective Reed said rudely. But then he probably didn't know Beckett, and how much of mistake he'd just made.

''Hey, listen to me _Reed_: Castle is part of our team, and this is a fucking disaster, you understand me?'' She said angrily as she pointed at him. ''I will explain to the boys okay?'' she then softly added, directed towards Castle.

He nodded hesitantly.

Then she walked up to him and softly squeezed his shoulder before she gave Detective Reed one last dirty look and left the room, pulling the boys out of the room with her.

''So. Can I call my lawyer?'' Rick asked after the door fell in the lock.

The two detectives sighed and stood up, but Rick had enough experience with interrogations to know that it was all an act to make him say more.

He wasn't stupid.

The men left the room and the novelist dropped his head into his hand once more and let out a devastated groan.

…

In the mean time, Beckett and the boys sat down around Beckett's desk, but none of them took place in Castle's chair. They all looked terrible, devastated.

''I…'' Beckett attempted but she as interrupted by her own tears and she quickly turned her face away in a poor attempt to hide her vulnerability from the two detectives. But they weren't blind, and Esposito laid his hand on Beckett's forearm as a gesture of comfort.

''He killed the sniper.'' She then bluntly said, and as soon as the words left her mouth she let out another sob and hid her face behind her hands, violently wiping the tears away.

''Fucking hell.'' Esposito grunted and Ryan groaned at the same time and slapped his fist onto the desk, which caused Beckett to jump up in shock.

''Sorry.'' He muttered several seconds later.

''Guys, he's guilty for shooting the sniper, but… it was self defense, I mean, sort of, eventually and he… I mean it's against the law what he did but he had no choice. We have to get him out. We have to help him.'' Beckett said while she ran her hand through her hair, taking the rubber band out, gaining back some of her composure, but still shaking heavily.

''Yeah…'' Ryan said, ''We have to…''

Beckett interrupted him.

''I don't know what you guys are going to do but I am going to start now, and I'm not going to stop before we have enough evidence to bail him out. You in?'' she said determined, but they all knew that the confidence in her voice was entirely fake. They were all so scared.

The guys nodded and they all jumped up.

''Okay, we're going to start at the beginning, check all the details, go over all the phone records…'' She started giving orders and ran off to get some files.

…

''Bring him to lock up.'' Reed said emotionlessly, and Castle wondered if that was the way Beckett and he handles their suspects too.

Two strong, nearly bold prison guards walked up to him and re-cuffed him, then grabbed him by his upperarms, so tight that the was sure he would have bruises, then pulled him with them.

So this is what it feels like. He wondered sadly. The walk of shame.

The whole precinct was staring at him as he exited the interrogation room, and was lead to the temporary lockups. Maybe it was just worse because they knew him.

Then he spotted Beckett, just getting out of the elevator, looking around like she was looking for something. Then she spotted him and ran up to him. Yeah, she _ran_.

She ran up to him, files still in her hand.

The guard tried to push her away but she flashed him her badge and he backed off.

For a moment they just stood there, staring each other in the eyes, because somehow that was how they communicated best. ''I'm so sorry.'' His said. ''I will get you out of here.'' Hers said. But there was something else in both of their eyes as well. Something they –or at least she wasn't yet- weren't able to admit to.

Then she took a step closer, and he was surprised by how vulnerable she showed herself even though all of her colleagues were staring at them. Then she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. She didn't care about his dirty clothes, didn't care about people staring. Because this was her partner.

''I'll get you out.'' She whispered when he wrapped his arms around her slim body.

He nodded, unsure of what else to say. Words were reeling through his mind but he wasn't sure if he would be able to form a coherent sentence right now without starting to cry again. So many things to say but he didn't know how, when or if he should even say them.

''Come on. You done? We wanna go home too.'' One of the guards sighed grumpily.

Then Kate pulled back and looked him into his eyes one last time before he was turned around by the guards and pulled with them.

She stared after him, tears starting to form again, and she was way too aware of the pitying looks the other cops were giving her.

She didn't even know what she was feeling, sadness, anger, agony?

She just knew that right now another part of her heart was ripped off. She it wasn't too lte yet, and she would get it back. She was going to get him out.

…

About an hour later he sat down on the cold, hard, iron bench in the cell. The lockups were awkward, like dog kennels, made of gauze and netting, and only the sides that were connected to the other cells were not see-through.

He knew all people in the cells opposite to him could see him though.

The cell existed out of a cold brick-wall and floor, three netting sides, a small iron bench and a small, gross looking something that he suspected was to be used as a bed.

He'd gotten a change of clothes since the one he'd been wearing were now evidence. Besides they were too gross to keep wearing anyway.

He'd been sitting here for a while now, he'd cried silently for a while, but then he decided that crying and being sad didn't solve anything, and that he had faith in Kate and the boys.

So he started looking around, into the other cells to see if there were more people that were not completely psychopathic, and that he could maybe talk to, since he knew there was no way he was going to sleep tonight.

In the first cell on the right that he could see sat a dirty, gross looking old man. He was laying on the bed-thing, staring at the ceiling and looked more like a monster than like a man.

So talking to him wouldn't really be a good idea.

Next to him was a drunk man around his own age. Nah. Not either.

Across from him sat a girl, not older than a year of 20, cringing and almost in fetal position in the corner. Her long dark brown hair fell over her face and her arms were hugging her knees.

She looked so sad, and he gulped hard when he realized she could've been Alexis.

She was wearing denim shorts and he couldn't see her top. She had a pale complexion, and she was pretty, but messed up.

''Hey.'' He said softly, but he realized no one could know that he was talking to her.

Yet she looked up, confused she looked around until she spotted him.

''Hi.'' She said, flashing him a fake, sad smile.

She was pretty, long dark lashes and big cat eyes. Her lips were a light shade of pink and even though her eyes were brimmed from the crying he could see they were dark brown/greenish. Just like Kate. He sighed.

''So what are you here for?'' He asked gently, trying not to scare her off.

She scrunched up her face and he could see her debating what to do. Apparently she chose to go for the bitchy mode.

''You go first.'' She said, trying to be rude and scare him off, but he knew –because he could easily see she was a nice girl- that she really wasn't unfriendly.

''I killed a man.'' Her eyes widened.

''You're kidding right?'' She said, and her mask immediately fell down from the shock.

''No. Unfortunately. Not. But… well he was a bad man.'' He sighed sadly.

The girl gasped.

''I'm Richard Castle by the way, call me Rick. I would shake your hand, but uh, that's kinda hard like this.'' He chuckled and pointed at the netting.

''Summer Spring.'' She rolled her eyes and he was immediately reminded of Kate. ''Yeah I know, make fun of the name. Blame my parents.''

''I like it.'' He said honestly.

''Hey aren't you that author? Richard Castle?''

''Yup, that's me.'' He sighed. It was just then he realized that tomorrow the papers would be full of it. **Castle goes to Dungeons.** **Mystery writer kills. **And much more other sappy, stupid headlines.

''Wow. My mom was a big fan.'' She was silent for a minute and he wondered why she was talking in the past tense. ''Press is gonna love this, I guess.'' She said sarcastically.

''Yeah. My publicist is gonna be sooo happy.''

They were silent for a minute, both sitting Indian style in front of the door of their cells. All the other people were already asleep, or just pretended to be and ignored them. Or maybe they were eavesdropping. Who cares.

''So what's got you here?'' His curiosity finally got the better of him.

''Prostitution.'' She said, her voice confident but her eyes were avoiding his.

''Hm better than murder. I guess you're the innocent here then.'' He said, trying to lighten the mood.

''Hm.''

''So do you know what's gonna happen next?'' he asked.

''Not really, I've been here since 10pm or something, the guard told me we're gonna be taken to the real prison tomorrow morning, 8am.'' She shrugged like it didn't matter, like he was asking how late breakfast was gonna start tomorrow morning.

But that was probably just her way of dealing with this, and he had to admit that he kinda liked it. It was easy. No trouble, no shit explaining, just accept each other, despite your past, despite your actions, despite your mistakes.

''Pf. I hope they're more comfortable than these.'' He joked, but he was serious for some part. If he was going to be locked up for 25 to life –yeah he knew how long he was going to be sitting here, thanks to Beckett and many interrogations- he just hoped he would have a clean bed and a comfortable chair.

''Yeah me too.'' She yawned. ''If it's like this I'll probably die from back problems before I get out.''

He yawned too and laughed.

''I think I'm gonna try and nap a bit on this super-comfortable, modern, expensive brick floor mattress.''

''Yeah me too. Long day.'' She nodded.

''Yes long day, you can say that. Killing people and getting sent away to prison for 25 to life. Long day.'' He laughed, he found it easier to deal with this joking, laughing. And Summer didn't seem to mind.

''You can say that yes. Goodnight Rick.'' She smiled and curled up into a corner.

''Night Summer.'' He said before closing his eyes and trying to ignore the cold bricks under his body.

**I'd really like to know what you think about Summer, because I think she'll be an important character in this story. **

**You know it, reviews make me write so much faster! (No really, no kidding, they motivate me so much aha, it's more fun to write when you know people enjoy it xd.)**

**xxx.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow, another quick update, ahah. I'm usually terrible at updating, but I really love this story, it's like it all comes naturally. I know exactly what is going to happen, so writing goes really quickly (: **

**I'll probably be able to update almost everyday for the next two weeks, b/o Christmas break. So that's a good thing I guess (:**

**A Lover's Revenge**

_Previously:_

_''You can say that yes. Goodnight Rick.'' She smiled and curled up into a corner._

_''Night Summer.'' He said before closing his eyes and trying to ignore the cold bricks under his body._

To his surprise he actually fell asleep quite quickly, he didn't know at what time, since his watch had been taken, but he guessed it was somewhat over 1am when he got into the cell, probably 2 or 2.30am when he went to sleep.

But several hours after he fell asleep he woke, panting and sweating heavily, his cheeks wet with tears.

When he looked around and realized where he was and what had happened he recalled his dream. Well, nightmare.

_They stood in the dark alley, a few feet between them, guns pointed at each other. He seemed to speak but his words were not audible. Somehow the rage within him grew with every movement of the man's lips._

_He felt so angry, so mad. He was spinning out of control. He forgot everything around him, his past, his future, even the present. It seemed like this dark alley was the whole world. It seemed like there was nothing more than this moment. It even came to the point that he didn't even know why he was doing this anymore._

_All he knew was that he was outraged. That he hated nothing more than the man in front of him. _

_So he pulled the trigger, and the bullet came out of the gun with a loud bang, buried itself in the man's chest. _

_He walked up to the man, but after a few steps he started feeling sick. This was not good._

_Because suddenly, it was not the sniper's broad frame lying in the pool of blood, but a woman's slim body, clothed in a dark uniform. The bricks were no longer bricks, but bright green grass, and it was no longer dark and lonely. _

_People were screaming and shouting, diving to the ground and second later, running around._

_He threw himself over the woman's body, and even before seeing her face he knew who she was. Kate. Kate, please no._

''_Stay with me Kate, don't leave me. Stay with me. I love you, I love you Kate.''_

_He cried as he tried desperately to bring the life back into her eyes. But he couldn't. _

_Then it was like he had missed months, because he was standing in that same alley again, facing the man that was responsible for Kate's almost dying. _

_Anger and rage started –again- to build within him, and after a while he pressed the trigger. Again. But then the body of the sniper changed into Kate's again and when he realized what he'd done, he desperately begged her to come back to life, but he had killed her. _

_And the cycle kept repeating itself, he couldn't help it. _

''Rick!'' A woman's voice softly spoke, almost whispered. ''Hey, are you okay?''

He looked up and saw Summer standing in the front of her cell.

''Huh. Oh. Yeah. Of course. Sorry to wake you. Go back to sleep.'' He smiled at her, and stretched.

''Fuck. I'm gonna have ugly marks from this netting.'' The girl cursed.

''Yeah, but it's better than sleeping on that… bed…. thing….'' He said with a disgusted look on his face. ''Go back to sleep okay?'' He said, feeling the strange need to protect the girl, even though she showed that she could take care of herself.

She hummed and turned around, trying to make herself comfortable.

He sat back down against the wall and sighed softly. He wasn't spoiled, he loved camping, and even though he was rich he was easily able to live with little, but he wasn't sure if he was going to survive living in a prison cell his whole life.

He hoped that the real prison was a bit better than this, and he hoped that he wouldn't be placed into a man-only prison. He hoped he could maybe visit Summer sometime, she was nice.

It was easy to fall asleep this time. He was worrying and stressing, he tried to believe that Kate would get him out, and he knew she was a great detective, so it wasn't that he doubted her, but he doubted his own actions, he had his doubts about the system and he was so damn scared that something would happen to Kate.

…

He was woken up by the sound of people barging around, and when he looked up he saw a couple of five officers walking around the cells. The drunk man was already released, he got away with only a warning, and the old man was just being taken out of the cell, being cuffed by an officer.

A handsome but kind of scary looking cop opened the door to Summer's cell and ordered her to get up. She scuffed at him, but stood up and put her hands behind her back, looking at him daringly.

He cuffed her and Castle could see how he locked them just a little bit too tight, on purpose.

Then, another cop that he also had never seen before opened the door to his cell, and ordered him to get up and turn around.

He did so, and willingly put his arms behind his back.

He wasn't sure how to act in this kind of situation. Be polite and be ran over, or stand up for yourself, but be hated?

So he just went with the ''I'm okay with everything'' role, since he didn't want those cops to hate him when he went back to the precinct.

_If_ he went back to the precinct, a little voice inside his head couldn't help but add, but he quickly shoved the though aside since they were getting moved.

He felt like an animal, they were being lead, and shoved into police cars like cows on their way to the slaughterhouse. He sighed and let it all go by. _Just let it happen Rick, this will be over in no time_. He told himself.

And it was.

Within 2 hours they were all brought to their cells, in different prisons, different cells, all depending on how big of a crime they had committed.

He was put into a private room, since he was now officially labeled a killer. _Wow. Great man._ He sighed sarcastically.

Yet he was able to get out of his room at specific times a day. If he'd been behaving well for a certain amount of time he'd be allowed to work, and otherwise he could just go into the prisoners garden to breathe some fresh air, or go and do his own thing inside.

Whatever, he couldn't change anything about it, so he would just have to wait here until they had to go to court, or until Beckett and the boys had gathered enough useful evidence to bail him out.

He sat down on the bed, which fortunately was clean, and looked a bit more comfortable than the one in the temporary cells at the precinct. It was small, only meant for one person, and he mattress was thin. The sheets were very light blue, like hospital gowns, and they looked horribly disinfected, but not comfortable clean.

He then laid down on his back, staring at the ceiling. He had absolutely no idea what to do today, and for the rest of his damn life. He hadn't had the chance to take some personal belongings with him, so the only thing he could do for the next three hours were sleep, think, or walk around the free 3 meters of his cell.

He decided to go for thinking.

And as he could've expected it all came back to him. Her speech.

''_Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to be a cop. He taught me that we are bound by our choices, but we are more than our mistakes. Captain Montgomery once said to me for us there are no victory; there are only battles. And in the end the best you can hope is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you.''_

And then she looked over at him, and he couldn't help but feel his heart flutter a little, because she looked at him just after saying _that_. And because he was still unsure if she was still angry with him or not.

And then that slight flash of light in the distance, oh man, he should've known. How he realized what was going on just a nano-second too late, because he was still thinking about what she'd said. How he threw her onto the grass, but she was already falling, bleeding.

How she bled out in his arms. How tears started to form in her eyes, how it seemed like she wanted to say something.

How he begged her to stay with him, to not let go, not give up, not to give in.

How he told her he loves her.

How she flatlined, how she barely survived. Those moments in the waitingroom, waiting in total self-disgust, agony, anger, he didn't even know what the hell he was feeling.

He was feeling too many things, and the feelings were too strong.

But mainly he was just damn fucking scared, scared that he wouldn't be able to see her again, or at least not alive.

Because c'mon, who survives a bullet to the heart by a professional sniper?

Luckily, Kate Beckett does, because she's a fighter. She's strong. She's tough.

He sighed and stood up, started pacing through the cell. He was never going to survive this. Richard Castle was a man-child, easily bored, and he got annoying when he was bored, but when no one was around to annoy, he would just get damn grumpy.

In three hours he could have visitors. He hoped someone would come visit him, although he dreaded explaining what had happened to Alexis and Martha.

He felt so guilty for just leaving them there, but he couldn't bear to show his face at the loft with the blood still on his hands. He couldn't bear to see the looks upon their faces, the disappointment, the ''I told you so'', the grief about him. He couldn't bear it.

He wondered about Alexis. She would be broken, desperate. He didn't want to hurt his daughter, and he wished he could do something, anything to make this better.

''You act like this is all about her, but you were standing right next to her. You could've been shot, hell, I could've been shot! You need to grow up dad, you're a writer, not a cop. Stop pretending.''

He could still hear his daughter's words, and he hated himself for not listening to her, but on the other he did not regret what he had done, because Kate was safe now, at least for a while.

…

The door opened with a loud bang, and he woke up from his thoughts. A prison guard, armed with all kinds of weapons that were tied around his waist looked at him with a bored look on his face.

He was chewing on some gun and beckoned him to get up.

''You've got a visitor.'' He said without looking him into the eyes.

Castle nodded but tried not to come off too excited. On the other hand he was scared as hell about his mother's and daughter's reaction.

He was lead towards specific visitor's room and placed on a table. There were guards in every corner, and he felt their eyes burn on his back.

He laid his cuffed hands on the table and looked around, waiting for his visitors to come in.

A little while later his redheaded daughter walked him, her eyes still red and rimmed, and she looked like hell.

He looked at her and felt tears coming up. He had never meant to disappoint his girl. She walked up to him and sat down on the other side of the table, just like she was instructed to do.

''Dad.'' She said, her voice weak and fragile, and the tears starting streaming down her cheeks.

He gulped hard, trying to hold back the tears, but it broke his heart to see his daughter cry. He wanted to pull her closer, wrap his arms around her and tell her it was all going to be okay. He wanted her to know what had happened in that alley, and all that had happened before, but he couldn't tell her. Not without making her feel betrayed by her own father. Because he had promised her he wouldn't put himself in danger, and he did.

He lied to her.

To his goddamn own daughter.

''I'm so sorry.'' He whispered. ''I'm so sorry.''

For a moment they sat there in silence, both not daring to speak.

''What happened dad? I don't… I don't believe you'd just.. shoot someone…'' She said in a small voice, and suddenly he saw that little girl again.

They'd always laughed about it, how Alexis was more of a parent to him that a daughter, but he knew that that wasn't really true. Small things, yes. But even his smart, intelligent and independent daughter needed a father sometimes.

Someone who would wrap their arms around her and let her cry against their shoulder. Someone who would hold her and take care of her. Because no one could do this alone.

''I… What did Kate tell you?'' He asked in a hoarse voice.

She stared upon his cuffs and he looked away from her, shame in his eyes.

''That… that you shoot the man that tried to kill her.''

He nodded.

''Yeah.''

''Dad, this isn't some kind of movie!'' she snapped, but he knew she meant it well. ''Killing a man because he brings the woman he loves in danger is not something you do dad!'' She said, now looking in his eyes.

He blinked, not wanting her to see the tears in his eyes.

''I know sweetie.'' He whispered. ''But he would've never been convicted. And... if I hadn't shot him, I would be the one bleeding out in that alley.'' He swallowed.

''Why the hell did you go to that alley in the first place if you knew you were going to die dad! Didn't you care about Gram and me? Did you think we wouldn't miss you? Did you think we don't need you? Because we do, dad. We need you.'' She softly added those last words.

''I.. if I hadn't gone they would've shot Kate.''

She didn't know what to say to that, because on the one hand she found it immensely stupid to sacrifice his own life for a woman he wasn't even in a relationship with, but on the other hand she knew how much her father loved the detective. And it wasn't right to let someone die for you either. She knew that.

So she nodded.

''I… I think I understand.''

He let out a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding.

''Doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you, though'' She said quickly. ''And you better get out of here soon, dad. We need you at home.'' She added softly, in a more serious tone.

''Where's Grams anyway?'' He asked.

''She is… in bed. I didn't want to wake her up. She… she was so upset when they called us tonight.'' She said, a bit embarrassed.

He sighed and tried to lift his hand to rub his face, but he was held back by the cuffs. He would be allowed to take them off outside of his cell within a week, or so he was told. So for now he was tied to these damn things, unless he would sit in his cell all day.

''I… pumpkin you don't have to deal with this alone, alright? And I am so sorry I can't be here for you all the time, and I am so sorry to do this to you, but I promise you that when I get out of here, I'll make it all up to you, okay?'' He said, offering her a weak smile.

''Okay.'' She said softly. ''I guess I'll go now. Will you be okay?'' She asked concerned.

''Yeah of course.'' He ensured her. ''Just a bit bored, but I'll ask for a pen and paper sometime, see if I can get some writing done.'' He smiled at her, and waved when she stood up, and a guard walked her to the exit to get her stuff back.

He hadn't changed, he was still the same person he was yesterday, but everything was so different now. It was like everything changed. Well maybe they had, but it felt so weird.

He watched her as she left the prison, and was woken from his thoughts by the hands of the guard on his back. Without a word he pulled him up an forced him to walk back to his cell.

…

Kate sat down on her couch, she looked fragile and broken and she was so grateful for the privacy of her apartment.

She looked sad, but she felt numb.

Ryan and Esposito had forced her to go home after she almost fainted in front of the murder board. Apparently 36 hours of no sleep and little food together with stress and shock was not a good combination.

She'd struggled, but eventually gave in, because somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she was never going to find concrete evidence if she was barely able to walk straight anymore.

His books were shattered around her, she'd tried to read them, but it only hurt. So she sat in front of the tv, dressed in an oversized shirt and sweatpants, the tv turned off because she was afraid of what might pop up when she would turn it on.

Surely the press would already be all over it.

It was times like this when she realized she wasn't only working with Rick Castle, overgrown man-child, but with Richard Castle, famous novelist and playboy extraordinaire.

She yawned and decided it would be good to take a nap. It might still be only midday, but she hadn't slept properly for two days now, and it was starting to take its toll on her.

She headed towards her bedroom and stripped off her clothes. When she went to grab a pair of boxers and a shirt to sleep in she suddenly stopped in front of the full-length mirror.

Her finger lightly traced the scar between her breasts. This was what it was all about. Or at least for Rick it was. He had done this for her.

it was just then when it hit her. He had done this for her. He had killed a man, _for her. _Richard Castle was in prison, _for her._

**Next chapter should be up soon (:**

**Reviews are very much appreciated. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Special thanks to BleuNeutrino for the site you gave me, which was really helpful, and your detailed reviews and feedback, thank you (:**

**A Lover's Revenge**

''So who have we got here?'' A fat, tattooed and bald prisoner walked towards him impending, a group of other rough looking prisoners walking behind him. He had a heavy accent, but Castle couldn't quite figure out what kind. Probably eastern Europe.

_Classic, just like in the movies._ He thought with a chuckle, but he was quickly snapped back to the present when he realized those guys were not nice and sweet at all, and that Beckett wasn't here to kick or shoot the guy if he crossed the line.

''Richard Castle.'' He stuck out his hand but was –unsurprisingly- ignored.

''Ahah.'' He scrunched up his face. ''And what brings you here?'' He demanded.

''Murder.'' He said, deciding to let him hanging on that one, it might scare them off. First impressions were important, right?

The guy furrowed his brows and bit on the inside of his cheek. He hummed appreciatively.

''Not as chicken as the papers make you seem then, I guess.'' He said, while walking around him. ''Unless you're just making this up, which I hope not. Because you'll be in big trouble, Mr Castle.'' The guy tried to impress him.

''So what's your name?'' he asked, trying to seem uninterested and casual.

''Back off Dimitry !'' Summer came headed towards him, walking angrily and snatching Rick away from the fat guy. His crew ''ooh''ed loudly and even though he seemed ready to bite her head off, he did in fact back off.

''How did you know that?'' Castle asked amazed as she led him somewhere into a corner and they sat down on a bench.

''He's famous on the streets. Drug dealer, pimp, no easy guy.'' She said shaking her head.

She was the same version of the unflattering orange prison jumpsuit he was wearing, her hair was down, it fell almost to her waist. She'd shoved the sleeves up until her elbows.

''How're you?'' He then asked.

''Good. You?'' She lied easily while she combed her fingers through her long chestnut colored hair..

''Too.'' He simply replied.

''Have you had any visitors already?'' She asked. He could see she wasn't really sure if she was crossing a boundary, but he didn't care, it was nice, having someone to talk to.

''Yeah.'' He nodded, ''My daughter.'' He then added with a small smile.

She let out a small 'wow'

''You have a daughter?'' She asked, and he could see the pity in her eyes.

''Yes, Alexis. She's 18 years old.'' He said proudly, but with an edge of sadness on his voice. Logical, because he'd disappointed his daughter.

''Was she mad?'' She asked.

''I don't know. I think she was more.. shocked and hurt.'' He looked down at his knees, and sighed but held his head high, not wanting to break down in front of all these people.

''What is she like?''

He smiled before answering, happy that she'd changed the topic a little.

''She's…smart, very smart. And responsible, probably more mature than I am. She's pretty, so beautiful. She's like the opposite of me.'' He chuckled lightly. ''Honest, strong.''

She smiled at him and then looked straight in front of her again, staring blankly in space..

''Sounds like you're a lucky man.'' It seemed like she was getting lost in her own thoughts, her lips were curled up but her eyes were empty and slightly sad.

''What about your wife?'' She then continued when she'd got herself together again.

''No wife.'' He replied quickly.

''Girlfriend?''

He shook his head.

''Nope.'' _Unfortunately. _

She hummed.

''So it's just you and your daughter?''

''No my mother lives with me too, she likes to live from my earnings.'' He said dramatically but with a loving smile at the thought of his mother. He might whine and nag about her, but he loved her. ''And of course the people from the precinct, are some kind of family too.''

''The precinct? I hope your joking there, right?'' She said confused and she bent over to look at him.

He looked at her with a confused look on his face. Then it struck.

''Oh, no! Not those people. I follow a police detective around for research.'' _It's not about the books anymore_. His own voice immediately sounded as he said those words, almost blaming him. It was true, it was no longer research, but that might just be… a little too much information.

''Hm, what's his name?''

''Beckett. Kate Beckett.''

''Kate? Oh it's a she… I heard of that! It's Nikki Heat right?'' Summer exclaimed.

He laughed.

''Yeah, although she probably would've killed me if she heard me say that.'' He looked around as if to add to his statement.

''So… tell me about one of your murder adventures?'' She said with a mischievous smile on her face.

''The one where I am the good guy or the one where I am the bad guy?'' He said with the same playful smile as Summer.

''I was thinking… hm… the one where you catch the bad guy, with a gun and fights and foot chases and everything.''

''I'm not sure if that is legal…'' He said partially joking, partially serious. ''But hell, I'm in prison already anyway.''

They laughed, and he suddenly realized how happy he was that she was here to take his mind off of the reeling he would surely do it she wouldn't be around.

His smiled widened and he shifted a bit to make himself more comfortable on the iron bench. He leaned back and started;

''So there was this one time…''

…

Kate was in her kitchen, making herself the zillionth cup of highly caffeinated coffee. Case files, crime scene photos and other evidence reports were scattered all over her dining table.

Case files from her mother's murder, all the other victims, the sniper, her own shooting, everything that was possibly connected to this case.

In between all the papers sat her cellphone. It was like she was waiting for a miraculous call from someone telling them this was all a stupid mistake, or for god's sake, even a damn risky joke would be okay. She'd beat the crap out of Castle for doing such thing to her, though, but still. Everything was better than this.

''_He'll get out. It'll be okay_.'' She repeated that like mantra the whole day long.

She leaned on the cabinets as she waited for the brown liquid to fill her cup when the doorbell rang.

She pushed herself up and checked the coffeemachine before walking up to her front door with her gun in her hand, just for sure.

''Alexis.'' She said confused when she'd opened the door. ''Hey.'' She added softly, not unwelcoming, but a bit sad because she knew what the reason for the teens visit would be.

''Kate, hi. I..uh… can I come in?'' She asked a bit nervous.

''Sure.''

She put her away her gun and gestured the girl to walk in.

Alexis walked up to the lounge area, but the papers scattered around on the table caught her eye.

Kate looked down at her feet once she caught the girl looking at the papers, she wasn't sure how the girl would react.

''What's this?'' The inevitable question came.

''That is.. uh… my mom's case, and all the cases that are connected to it.'' She responded.

''And… your case, and the sniper's.'' Alexis simply stated as she sat down on the detective's couch.

Kate sat down on the other end of the couch, and pulled the rubber band out of her hair.

''So…''

''Are you going to get him out?'' They spoke at the same time.

Kate sighed and rubbed her forehead with her hand, let her finger slide down slowly to win some time.

''Alexis… I…'' She started stammering.

''If you're not you can better just tell me instead of getting my hopes up.'' The girl said, her voice sharp and full of emotion, but Kate could understand it. The girl was dealing with a lot at the moment.

''No, Alexis I can't promise you that I will get him out, I wish I could, but I can't. But I can promise you that I will do anything I can possibly do to get him out.'' She spoke.

Alexis swallowed.

''Because, I know I might not be very good at showing it, but I care about your father.'' She said softly.

''I know.'' She said quietly. ''He cares about you a lot too.'' She added, making the detective feel a little awkward, but bringing her a slight smile on her face.

Kate stood up, trying to avoid to have this conversation with his daughter.

''Do you want a drink? Uhm coffee, cacao, soda?'' She asked awkwardly while walking towards the kitchen.

''Yeah, cacao would be nice.'' She said. ''It's a little late for coffee.'' She chuckled.

Beckett shrugged.

''My sleeping schedule is so messed up, my body doesn't even care anymore.'' She laughed lightly.

''Yeah, that sounds just like my dad.'' Alexis replied, but both were shocked at the mention of Castle, although they both tried to hide it.

They fell silent.

''I'm so scared Kate…'' Alexis said in a small voice when they were both settled onto the couch again, the teenager with a cup of cacao in her hands, Kate a cup of coffee.

Shit. Kate's heart clenched, this was exactly what she'd been so afraid of. She wasn't good at dealing with emotions, not with her own, and not with other people's.

Comforting families from victim's was easy for her, but that was so much more different than trying to comfort someone who was grieving about the same thing you were, because part of it required you to confront your own emotions.

So she went with the easy, but truthful option.

''So am I.'' She said, her voice hoarse.

''I mean, I trust you guys, but it might take long, really long. I don't want him to be in there, I'm sure he's gonna say something stupid and piss other prisoners off. He'll sure as hell get himself in trouble.'' She confessed.

''Yeah, he probably will. But I know your father Alexis, he'll be okay. I'm sure. Prison is safe. It might not be the nicest place, but at least nothing can happen to him there.''

''And even if he gets out, I don't know how to deal with the fact that he has killed a man. I mean I know that that man was bad, that dad did a good thing but… how… I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I had taken someone's life…''

No one said something for a while.

''Have you… Have you ever killed someone?'' Alexis asked, not meeting Kate's gaze, a bit shy and nervous, scared that she might've crossed a line.

''Yes. I.. Sometimes I can't do anything else but just pull the trigger, or I would die, or someone else. And it better to kill the bad guy than to have to tell someone else's family that their father died because he wanted the killer to get caught.''

She wondered if Alexis knew about that time with Dick Coonan. If she knew that she was specifically talking about the time she had to shoot her mother's killer because he'd have killed Castle otherwise.

''How do you do it?'' Alexis asked.

''I don't know it's mostly… reflex. And then, when you see them drop to the ground it feels bad. But… it would feel worse if it had been a good person, or someone I lo… cared for.''

''Yeah but I mean, dealing with it.''

''It depends. Some are burned into your mind forever, some come back to haunt you, and some are easy to ignore. It's just the way it is. It's a hard job, but it's okay.'' She ensured the girl. She didn't want her to worry.

Alexis shrugged and hummed, not really knowing how to respond to that.

''I'll be okay, Castle is our biggest worry right now.'' She smiled at the teenager and reached out to touch her shoulder.

''And he'll be fine too, okay?''

…

**Thaaaat's kind of an unsatisfying ending, uh. Well, more tomorrow (:**

**Reviews are loved!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh by the way, I don't know if I had already mentioned this but ''Kiss It All Better'' by He is We was one of the inspirations for this story, so listen to it if you want to, (:**

**A Lover's Revenge**

''Hi.'' Kate spoke as she sat down on the other side of the table, facing him. She laid her hands down on the table and looked at them, as if to avoid looking into his eyes.

''Hey.'' He replied, a faint smile on his lips. His eyes flicked to one of the security guards standing in the corning, observing the prisoners that were talking to their families or friends.

His thoughts were confusing and mixed up. They didn't make any sense.

When the guards came to pick him up during the visitors hour his first thought was that it would probably be his mother coming to visit him. But she wasn't, and although he was more than happy to have Kate here, he was worried about his mother. If she was okay, if she was taking good care of Alexis, and if she was mad at him. If she was avoiding him on purpose.

If she was, he could understand it, but it would hurt. Badly.

When she saw Kate entering the room he felt a warm flutter in his stomach, but a cold shiver going down his spine at the same time.

Happy she was here, but afraid of what might be coming.

He'd done loads of thinking in his cell – mostly because there was nothing else to do – and he'd gone through every scenario possible. That was one of the downsides of being a writer; he would always imagine every possibly situation and his mind couldn't stop reeling once he had started worrying.

She was staring at his cuffs as if she'd never seen anything like them.

He chuckled lightly and lifted his hands slightly off the table as if to bring even more focus to them.

''Preferred waking up next to a beautiful woman with these on.'' He joked, and anyone but her would've believed his smile was real. Anyone but her, because she knew him that well, because she could see how terrible he was feeling.

She could read it from his usual so brightly sparkling blue eyes, that had lost quite a bit of shine. She could see it from the slight bags under his eyes and even though he couldn't do much about his appearance in here, and that the orange prison jumpsuits weren't exactly flattering, he looked like hell. Tired and worried.

''How are you?'' She asked softly, a caring and concerned undertone in her voice that he'd rarely seen her use.

He shrugged.

''Fine.'' He offered.

She opened her mouth as if to say something, but she didn't.

''How far are you with the case?'' He asked carefully, also partially to change the topic from the more sensitive subjects.

''Nothing came up yet. Nothing useful anyway.'' She said, and the added; ''I'm sorry.''

''Doesn't matter.'' He lied.

''Alexis came to my apartment yesterday evening.'' Kate spoke after a minute of silence.

He raised his brows.

''She… she just wanted to talk.''

He nodded understandingly.

''Was she okay?'' He then asked concerned.

''No.'' She answered honestly. ''But she will be.''

He looked down, almost ashamed. His heart was breaking with guilt. He had gotten himself in this mess, and he'd hurt so many people, and now they had to get him out of this too.

''My mother hasn't contacted me.'' He said silently, looking down like a little boy.

She didn't know how to respond to that. She kept silent for a while, waiting for him to say something.

''I mean, I can understand that she is mad, but can't she at least… let me know?'' The hurt was so audible from his voice, so clearly visible on his face, his whole posture, it broke her heart.

''I… there's probably a good reason.'' She offered weakly, regretting it immediately after the words that left her mouth. How the hell could she say something that stupid and shallow. They were both old enough to know that meant nothing more than that she agreed with him.

He looked up at her, his eyes watery even though he tried to hide it.

''Could you.. maybe just check to see if she is okay?'' He asked shyly.

She nodded.

''Of course. I will go check on her tomorrow morning okay?''

He looked at her with a thankful yet sad smile on his face and muttered something that should probably sound as a ''thank you''.

''You'll go to court Monday right?'' Beckett asked, running her hand through her thick brown hair.

''Yeah, although I have no idea what I am supposed to do in there.'' He said.

''Just answer the questions they ask you, be polite. You have a good lawyer right?''

He nodded once again.

''The best.'' He shrugged. ''Not that it matters, I mean, I did what I did.'' He said, hopelessly but looking untouched.

''Okay. I'll be there too, okay?'' She said, ignoring his last statement with a faint smile on her lips.

He smiled at her, gratefully.

''Thank you.''

''Of course.'' She replied easily.

''How're you holding up?'' She asked, biting her lower lip in that adorable way of hers.

He had to force himself to stop staring at her and to just answer her question.

''It's boring. But I'll live.'' He then replied.

''I got you something.'' She said with a smile as she reached behind her and grabbed something.

She laid a plastic bag on the table, containing a notebook with a hard leather cover and a simple ballpoint pen.

''I thought you couldn't take stuff with you into here?'' He asked confused while he took them from her and awkwardly ran his hand over the cover, hindered by his cuffs but smiling.

''Yeah, well it's been through security scans and everything, so that's okay. Normally they would've delivered it to you in your…'' she swallowed. ''cell but being a cop has its privileges.'' She smiled.

''Thank you.'' He said.

''Sorry about the pen though, I'd bring you something better, but they're afraid you'll kill someone with it.'' She joked, although she knew it was a risky subject, but he just laughed, and for the first time since he got into here she saw a real spark in his eyes. ''Thought you might like it, maybe you can get some writing done for your book, or maybe just write down some thoughts or… anything. A distraction.'' She said awkwardly.

''Yeah, well I don't know about the books. I mean, I want to finish them but… I'll be probably all over the news and no one will wanna buy them anymore.'' He said sadly.

''You're getting out of here Rick. You will.'' She ensured him with a desperate but somehow also determined look In her eyes.

''Just don't overwork yourself okay? I'll be fine.'' He promised her.

''Hm.'' She hummed, agreeing to him even though they both knew she would work until she either dropped down or closed this case.

They chatted about nothing for a bit before the security guards ordered everyone to go back to their cells and the guests back home.

She stood up, smiling at him awkwardly.

''I'll see you okay?'' She said softly.

''Yeah. When will you come again?'' He asked. ''You don't have to come if you don't want to, though.'' He quickly added. ''Seriously do not see it as an obligation! Not that I don't want you to come, I actually really, really…''

''No, no!'' She quickly interrupted him. ''I want to come.'' She said softly, as if she was ashamed to say it aloud, which made him smile a little. ''I'll be here again tomorrow okay?''

He nodded, his heart fluttering happily that she would be visiting him again so quickly.

''Bye Castle.''

''Until tomorrow.'' He smiled. More hopeful, right?

He watched her for several seconds after she disappeared through the doors. He sighed, and walked with the guard. Back to his prison, literally.

…

The guard closed the door of his cell with a loud bang, and Castle dropped on his bed, letting the notebook and pen fall next to him.

He waited for several minutes before opening it, so he would have at least something to look forward to for a little longer.

Then he picked it up, carefully like it was the most breakable thing ever, and opened the notebook. To his surprise something was written in it already and a few pictures fell out.

He picked up the pictures that had fallen on his bed, careful not to stain them with fingerprints.

The first one was a picture of Alexis and himself, both smiling brightly, hugging him from over his shoulder.

He looked at it for a while, smiling at the memories. Then he turned it around, and saw that there was something written on the back.

''_Stay strong dad. I love you.''_

It said. He smiled but at the same time it made him a little sad. God he missed his girl, even though it'd barely been two days.

He picked up another one, a picture of him and Kate, the boys and Lanie in the Old Haunt.

No note, but a happy memory. He remembered how pretty Kate had looked that night, carefree after finishing a case and just a little brighter than usual.

The last one was from his mother. It wasn't a picture, just a note.

''_Remember kiddo, if I'm not wrong, Beckett will get you out ;)''_

He nearly choked on the air and let out a soft laugh. Typically his mother. Well, that had to mean she wasn't mad, right?

He laid down the pictures on the small bedside table and opened the notebook on the page where someone had written something.

_I hope this helps you to pass some time, stay strong, okay? Always. - Kate._

A warm feeling went through his whole body, somehow ''Always'' always made him go crazy inside.

He dropped down on his bed, laying on his back and clutching the notebook against his chest, because it was the only familiar thing in this cell, this whole prison. The only thing that seemed to be warm, loving.

Suddenly he felt so small again, because he wasn't the kind of guy to be here and yet here he was, sitting in a damn prison cell, surrounded by crazy psychopaths, murderers and rapists. And he couldn't do a damn thing about it. No one could.

He only realized that he was crying when he felt a warm tear falling from his cheeks, onto the mattress. For a minute he let the tears go, but then he decided to man up and violently wiped the tears away. _Don't you dare to be so weak, everybody out there is fighting for you and you dare to be such a weak asshole. Man up Rick._

He sat up straight, picked up the pen and started writing.

…

**Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**First of all; I am so sorry for the delay. I was planning on publishing one more chapter on the day of Christmas Eve, and tell you in the A/N's that there would be no update until Tuesday. But I was very busy with getting some more Christmas presents and everything so I didn't see the time to go on my computer. Then after Christmas my parents have been dragging me around all over the fucking world, making last minute decisions to go to Paris, Amsterdam, Utrecht and do stuff and ugh… They think we need to strengthen our family bond. Pf, what family bond? Ahaha. I literally haven't had a minute to myself in five days. Sorry!**

**But here we are, and I don't have to go anywhere tomorrow so if everything goes as planned and nothing happens, you'll have your daily update again tomorrow (:**

**A Lover's Revenge**

She turned around, leaving him standing there, wide aware that he was looking after her. But she kept walking. Everything went by in a haze, the security scan, getting her stuff back, and before she even knew it she stood outside.

She took a deep breath of fresh air but somehow it was too close to the prison, too… captive. She gulped and leant with her back to the brick-wall.

Inside the meeting room everything had seemed okay, mostly because he was there. But now she just got nauseas. The prison reminded her too much of her weekly visits to Lockwood, it made her feel so damn small, so unimportant, so weak.

She slowly slid down to the ground, an sat there for a little while until she was feeling strong enough to stand on her own legs again. Then she walked up to her car and drove home.

…

He yawned and put the pen down. He'd written more than 4 pages already, and it was getting late, probably already midnight.

He scanned over his handwriting before he closed the notebook and placed it on the small table standing on the other side of the room.

It felt better, now that he'd written it all down. Not that anyone was ever going to read it anyway. Thank god for that.

He stripped off his clothes, grabbed the ugly prison shirt and pants he wore to bed and quickly tucked them on, shivering as the cold air met his skin.

He crawled under the covers but he shivered and couldn't find a comfortable position. It felt like one of these way too clean low-class hotelbeds, in which you just can't fall asleep because you can't stop your mind from wondering who else has slept in the same sheets.

He curled up, making himself as small as possible and suddenly he felt like that small boy in boarding school again, homesick and lonely, with writing as his only escape.

Yesterday night had been horrible, although the bed was more comfortable and cleaner than the one in lock up, he felt cold and lonely.

It had been 3 days already, well, if you'd count the day of ''the happening'' as he called it. One night in lockup and two days and one night in prison. This would be the second night here. The second night alone, just him and his thoughts, and that was not a healthy combination.

He was killing himself from the inside out, accusing himself of things he had no power over, and blaming himself for every damn mistake that had ever happened to the world.

Memories and mini-movies played in his mind and even though he tried so hard, he was too tired – physically and emotionally – to fight them off. Instead he let them tear him apart.

He just kept seeing Alexis' face, her red, rimmed, watery eyes, her complexion even paler than usual and that worried, hurt look on her face.

''_You act like this is all about her, but you were standing right next to her! You could've been shot, hell, I could've been shot. You need to grow up dad, you're a writer, not a cop. Stop pretending. ''_

''_Does she make you happy?'' _

''_Is it enough?''_

Her words echoed through his head, getting louder and louder with every failed attempt of ignoring them.

Then his daughter's face turned into Kate's. Her eyes full of an emotion he wasn't able to read, her fragile body bleeding out in his arms, on the grass.

Then the scenery changed and she sat in the hospital bed, looking terribly broken and fragile, yet still so strong and fierce.

''_No, I don't remember much of anything.'' _

''_They say that there are some things that are better off not being remembered.'' _

''_Do you mind if we don't? I'll call you, okay?'' _

''_And it won't happen, until that wall comes down.''_

''_Everybody is gone Castle!'' _

Then suddenly there was Josh, Beckett's handsome, perfect surgeon boyfriend, sitting next to her, on a chair next to her bed. he held her hand and whispered something in her ear that he couldn't understand. Then he kissed the top of her head and he could feel his heart wrench with jealousy.

Then Josh stood up and ran up to him, yelling and shouting, accusing him of everything.

''_This your fault!'' _

''_Your fault!''_

''_Your fault!''_

''_Your fault!'' _

The words kept echoing through the hospital hallway, or maybe it was just his mind. His heart crumbled more and more every time the words hit him, and broke him down a little more.

Then suddenly there was a gun in his hand, and the evil laughing sniper across from him.

The sniper did not speak. He just laughed, loudly and looked at him daringly.

He was going crazy, everyone was speaking, no screaming at the same time.

So he pulled the trigger.

…

She opened the door to her apartment and immediately discarded her bag, badge and gun. Then she headed towards the bathroom and took off her clothes, dropping them on her way to the shower with the purpose of collecting them later.

Once she had stepped in the shower she ran her hands through her long hair, trying to wash out all of the invisible prison's vibe. She felt like it was all over her. She turned up the heat of the water and felt it come down on her.

After standing under the spray for several minutes and just letting the water fall down on her, she picked up the shampoo bottle and put some in her hair. She gently massaged her scalp and rinsed the cherry scented substance out of her dark hair.

After washing her body, shaving and putting some conditioner in her hair she stepped out of the shower, shivering at the change in temperature. She swiftly grabbed the nearest towel and wrapped it about her body, then another one to dry her hair.

She wiped the steamed-up mirror clean so she could see her reflection in it, only to see it getting steamed up again within seconds.

She left the bathroom, grabbing a fluffy crème colored robe on her way to the bedroom. Once there, she let the towels fall to the floor and slipped on the robe. Then she dropped on her bed and let herself fall on her back.

She sighed.

She was in deep shit. And she hadn't even done anything wrong, but she was going to solve this for him and didn't even blame him. It was weird, shouldn't she feel some kind of anger towards him? Shouldn't she be mad and refuse to get him out?

But she wasn't and she didn't.

After several minutes of laying on her bed with her eyes closed she finally forced herself to get up before her bed would be totally soaked by her wet hair.

She walked up to her dressing table, took a brush and started combing through her hair, until it was completely untangled and only a little damp. She let it dry naturally, and grabbed an oversized shirt to wear to bed.

Once she pulled the blankets up to her chin she grabbed her cellphone and set the alarm just a little earlier than usual, a reminder to go and see Martha the next morning.

...

Her phone rang, and she groaned as she reached for it, trying to only move her arm and bury her face into her pillow.

She was damn tired, but when she remembered her promise to Castle she sat up straight and stretched her back before getting up.

Then she blindly grabbed a pair of jeans and a camisole, together with some underwear and socks, put them on and tucked on a black tailored jacked over it. Then she put on her father's watch and mother's ring, and headed towards the bathroom to apply her makeup, brush her hair, brush her teeth, etc.

When she was done with that, she fixed herself a little bit of cereal and realized just in time that Castle wouldn't be bringing her coffee today. The realization hurt, but at least not as bad as when he hadn't brought her any _on purpose_, when she was with Demming.

She tried to get her coffee machine to work, but she didn't quite know how to work it, and besides, she hadn't used it so long that it wouldn't be a big surprise if it was broken.

''_Well, Nevermind the coffee, I'll get some on my way to the precinct.''_ She told herself as she grabbed her badge, gun, keys and purse and left her apartment, and made her way towards her car.

…

Alexis groaned as she turned around once again, burying her face and body in the pillows and blankets from her bed, not wanting to hear the sound of people walking outside beneath her window, not wanting to hear the cars, the traffic, the birds, nothing.

She'd gone to school, as usual, for the last couple of days, but yesterday afternoon she'd just said she was not feeling well and went home.

_It had been just like any other day, only now she was struggling to keep it together. Not that anyone noticed, but still. _

_Then, in the 6__th__ period when her new, young and very pretty English teacher asked her about her father._

_It'd happened before, when there'd been some stupid article about how attractive her dad was, or anything like that. Sometimes just because. _

''_Alexis, aren't you the daughter of the Richard Castle?'' She asked slimy and way-too-nice._

_She nodded, trying to stay polite even though she felt like she could snap out of her skin at any moment. It always annoyed her when people only talked to her about her father, but today was worse, given the circumstances. _

''_Oh, god I love his books! It's almost like he's actually witnessed these murders! There so detailed and… real!'' She exclaimed._

''_Oh excuse me, I really have to go.'' Alexis excused herself before she ran off, and made her way out of the building as quickly as possible before breaking down somewhere on a street._

_Tears she'd been keeping inside the whole day, maybe even longer slid down her cheeks, leaving burning trails. She wiped them away, not allowing herself to cry for long and hailed a cab. _

_She tried to ignore the look full of pity the drive gave her, and didn't talk to him, except for telling him where to go and when she paid._

So now here she was, burying herself in pillows in blankets, covering her ears as if she could drown out the world by drowning out the sounds. Like the world would stop.

But no matter how hard she tried, the sound of the doorbell still pierced her barrier.

…

''Kate!'' Alexis exclaimed surprised, her face clouded with worry and some kind of embarrassment, although she couldn't quite imagine why. Her eyes were still red and puffy, but Kate couldn't blame her, hers were probably looking just the same.

''Hey, Alexis, can I come in?'' She asked softly, worried about the teen.

''Uhm..'' She stammered, and Kate felt her stomach clench with nervousness when she realized the girl didn't really want her to come in. ''I… I…. Yes of course.'' She then said with a smile on her face as she'd gained her composure again, but it wasn't hard to tell that it was all an act.

The redhead opened the door a little further to let the detective in, and walked up to the kitchen island. She noticed Alexis was still in her PJ's, and definitely not getting ready for school, but she wasn't surprised. She wouldn't go to school either if her dad would be in prison, for murder.

''What's up?'' She asked lightly, but her eyes were dark and cloudy.

''Uhm your dad asked me to go and check up on Martha. I mean, I'm sure she's fine but if it makes him feel better…'' Her voice quickly faded as she saw the girl's expression change.

''I don't think that's such a good idea.'' She said, her voice stern and cold, but Kate knew it was meant for the situation, not her.

''Why not?'' She tried carefully, of course now knowing something was very, very wrong.

''She's… sick.'' She muttered, not even the slightest bit convincing.

Kate turned around and made an attempt to walk up to Martha's room, but Alexis stopped her in her tracks, grabbing her by her forearms and jumping in front of her.

''Please. Kate, no.'' She almost whispered, tears threatening to fall.

''Alexis…'''She said softly, her voice full of concern, still not knowing exactly what was wrong.

The girl shook her head, desperately.

Kate stopped and gave the girl an apologetic look before she pulled her arm out of the girls hold and barged into Martha's bedroom, only to find it empty.

Well, empty as in; No Martha.

Instead dozens of empty alcohol bottles and glasses were stocked neatly in a corner, and pictures were spread all over the room, some flying up a bit from the slight breeze that came in through the open window.

She realized she'd been standing there staring for at least a couple of minutes when she heard Alexis sobbing behind her.

She turned around and scooped the girl awkwardly into her arms, not really knowing what to do.

''Alexis.'' She then whispered softly, friendly but stern. ''Where's Martha?''

**Sorry for the cliffhanger guys! I promise this won't be too much more angst (:**

**You know it, reviews make me so happy, so please leave me some!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't think I ever responded to this, but I remember someone telling me that men and women are not allowed to be in the same prison. I know that, but in this story –to make it slightly more realistic- their cells are in different parts of the prison, they can only meet at the –don't know the real term for this- place where they can go when they are allowed to leave their cells. (hehe, I'll look that up sometime, too lazy right now).**

**A Lover's Revenge**

_Previously:_

_''Alexis.'' She then whispered softly, friendly but stern. ''Where's Martha?''_

She tried to keep herself together while the teenager sobbed in her arms, shaking heavily and probably finally letting everything that she had bottled up for the last couple of days out.

''I…'' She tried to speak but was interrupted by another sob and buried her face deeper into Kate's arms.

She managed to get them to sit on the couch and held her while she cried.

''Shh...'' She whispered, trying to get her to calm down a little.

The fear that something really bad had happened to Martha struck her, and she was struggling to stay strong herself, knowing she couldn't break down in front of Castle's daughter.

''She.. she…'' she took a deep breath and sat up straight, but avoiding the detective's questioning eyes, filled with concern.

''She was devastated when they told us about dad, but it was late, probably 4 am. So we both went back to sleep. We were scared but we didn't know exactly what had happened so we just kept hoping it would be a mistake.'' She spoke softly, still shaking, and tears still sliding down her cheeks.

''And then, Monday morning, I went to school. She wasn't up yet, but that isn't strange, she likes to sleep in. When I came home… She still wasn't out, but there were glasses scattered all over the kitchen. So I entered her bedroom and she was… almost unconscious. She's drunk way too much.'' She started sobbing again and Kate felt a tear slid down her own cheek. Shit. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not again. She wouldn't let Martha lose herself to the bottle, she wasn't going to let that happen to anyone, not anymore.

''Where is she now?'' She whispered, her eyes closed, waiting for the answer that she wanted to badly, but dreaded so much to come.

''In the hospital.'' She said softly as she wiped away her tears.

Beckett took a deep breath, trying not to show her weakness, how fragile she was, not to Alexis.

''Will she be okay?'' She asked carefully.

The girl nodded and flashed her small smile.

''Yes. But she's.. not really.. I don't really know what they're doing exactly but she has to stay in the hospital for a while.''

Kate nodded thankfully.

''Is it okay if I'll go and visit her today? I'm late for work already anyway.'' She said while she tucked her hair behind her ear.

Alexis nodded but then her eyes widened.

''Oh I'm so sorry, I should've…'' She apologized when she realized Kate actually had to go to work.

''Doesn't matter. This is my number one priority right now.'' She ensured the girl, who smiled relieved.

After a few minutes Kate got up and grabbed her bag.

''Uhm I guess I'll go now, is it okay if I pick you up this afternoon to go visit Martha?'' She asked ''I mean, I assume you're not going to school..''

''Yes. Well, no I'm not going to school, but that's great idea.'' She smiled again, her face still red from crying but she already looked a lot better.

When Kate laid her hand on the doorknob, however, she stopped and turned around.

''Uhm Alexis?''

''Hm?''

''You can't stay here alone. I mean, if your grandmother is going to be in the hospital and… you can't be alone all this time.''

Alexis didn't answer.

''Well, I don't mean that you can't take care of yourself, but I doubt if it will be a very good idea for you to be alone right now. You know. We're all going through a hard time and…''

''It's okay Kate, I understand what you mean.'' The girl ensured her. ''I…uhm… I will call my mother tonight. Or… I don't know someone.''

''Yeah. Well if you want to… you can also stay with me. I'm alone anyway and well…'' She said a bit awkwardly.

A slight smile broke out on her face.

''That… that would be great, but are you sure I won't be bothering you?'' She asked nervously.

''No, no of course not. I won't be home all the time but that won't really be a problem, right? I just have to go to work and do some things but I'm home at night, in the morning, and I can come home if you like me to.''

The whole situation was quite awkward, because even though both girls liked each other, and wanted the same things, it was somewhat awkward to be here.. without Rick.

''That's okay I guess.'' She said with a smile. ''I will pack my stuff, and then take a cab to your place?''

''I'll pick you up, alright? If you just pack your stuff I'll be here in the afternoon to go visit Martha'' she gulped. ''And then you can leave your bags in the car, and after we're done we'll head over to my place.'' Kate offered.

Alexis agreed, and walked up to Kate. She wrapped her arms around her and hugged her, making the detective feel a little awkward, again.

''Thank you.'' The girl muttered.

She'd really have to get used to this.

…

''Hey.'' She muttered quickly as she passed the boys' desks on her way to hers, a stack of papers in her hands.

''Hey Beckett.'' They replied in unison.

She sank down in her chair, trying to avoid looking at Castle's empty one. She hadn't put it away even though she knew it would be long, long time before he would ever take place in it again.

Even if he would get out, even if he would get out quickly, they'd still have to get permission to have him back in the precinct.

She sighed and opened op the first folder of paperwork in an attempt to take her mind off of the subject ''Castle'', but to do so was getting very hard lately.

She picked up the pen and started writing and filling in forms, but before she had time to actually finish more than three sentences she was disturbed by someone standing in front of her.

She took a moment to gather herself before looking up.

Gates.

Fuck.

She managed to flash her a polite smile and briefly looked at the two male detectives who were trying really hard to look like they weren't eavesdropping.

''Good morning.'' She greeted her politely.

''Beckett, can I speak with you for a moment?'' The tough woman asked, her hand on her hip.

''Of course.'' She sat as she leaned back in her chair so she's have a better view.

''In my office, please.'' She said before turning around and striding towards her office.

Damn, it was still hard to look at the room as Gates' office, while in her mind it was still Montgomery's.

Gates was good cop, and even though it was hard to see from the outside, she was a nice woman.

Maybe they were actually very much alike in that matter. Kate was tough and stern too, before Castle came along and softened her up.

She took a moment before she followed Gates and entered her office.

''What did you want to talk about, sir?'' She asked while taking place in one of the chairs in front of the desk. She usually preferred to stand while talking to Gates, somehow it made her feel more powerful, more confident to be higher than the other person.

But she was feeling oddly confident and careless today, maybe because she'd been through so much already while it wasn't even noon yet.

''I heard about Castle.'' She simply stated, and Kate was unable to read any emotion from her face.

Beckett didn't answer and looked down, somehow it hurt even more when someone else stated it.

''I'm really sorry for all of you.'' She then added, surprising Kate with an understanding almost motherly smile. ''I hope I can trust you, and him, that there is a logical explanation for all of this?'' she then continued in her usual tone.

Kate nodded.

''Well, it's very complicated, but he had no other choice.''

''Hm. I would like to know what is going on, because we can't have the press all over it. Everyone knows that Richard Castle shadows a homicide detective from the 12th, and we don't want to make a bad impression on the city.'' She added.

She could barely suppress a groan. Keeping Montgomery's secret was getting harder and harder, and now with Castle's situation it only got worse.

''I think you are familiar with my mother's case?'' She asked, more as a rhetorical question. Of course everyone knew about it. Especially after the shooting at Montgomery's funeral.

''Well, apparently, Castle has been receiving calls, blackmail. Someone told him, that if we kept looking into the case, they would shoot me. Kill me. That he couldn't tell anyone about it, the calls.'' She paused for a moment. ''Then he got another call, from the sniper that shot me.'' Her hand went up to her chest, tracing the lines of her scar through her shirt. Not much as a gesture but more like a habit. Every time someone mentioned the sniper, or the shooting, or even the words ''I love you'' she felt her scar pull and burn. Maybe that was one of her problems too, the words ''I love you'' were now inevitably connected to the pain of a bullet piercing through her chest.

''Go on.'' Gates commanded and she realized she'd been silent, thinking back about the shooting for a while.

''The sniper told him to meet him somewhere, because his 'boss' the man behind this all didn't know about us working on the case yet, and he wanted to keep it that way, didn't want to make him angry. He said that if Castle wouldn't come, he would kill me. So he went there. Then shot him.'' She looked out of window, trying to avoid Gates' eyes. She didn't want her boss to think she was so fragile.

''He killed for you.'' She than finally spoke, her voice soft, making Kate look up in surprise.

She shrugged it off, didn't want to admit it.

''Listen, detective. You know I am not thrilled about Mr. Castle following you around, since his a civilian. I think you understand that I am not saying that just because I want to annoy you, but because it is dangerous. For all of you. And I think this situation proves that.''

''_Shit_, _she's not going to kick him out again, is she?''_ She thought, her stomach clenching uncomfortably.

''But I know, that when he gets out of prison, even if I kick him out, he will find his way back in again.''

''_At least she believes he will get out.'' _

''So I will allow him to keep shadowing you, if you two agree to talk. Because it can't go on like this. It's simply not safe.''

''_Talk. About what? She can't be… She can't know… Right?''_

''Your personal lives are none of my business, and I don't need to know about it, since it will only cause more trouble, but this is putting my people in danger. Can you even imagine what will happen once the story gets out? I hope the man has a good agent!'' She rambled on, but Beckett wasn't really paying attention anymore. Was it that obvious? And why?

Thoughts, memories and possible consequences were reeling through her mind, making her heart go crazy.

''Understood, detective?'' Gates then spoke, a brow raised questioningly.

''Of course.'' She nodded before she rose from the chair and almost ran out of the office.

''Oh and detective!'' She then called while standing in the doorway, watching as Beckett took place in her own chair again. ''If you are going to keep working on this case, it will not keep you from solving other cases, and you will not go anywhere without back-up. Understood?''

''Yes sir.'' She answered, barely able to suppress a small smile. Even though the woman was forcing her to confront Castle about their feelings. -_What, did she just say their?- _she'd been nicer than she had expected her to be, and she was surprised by the woman's silent admission to keep on working on this case. She wasn't sure how to call this now, her mother's case? Castle's case? The sniper's case? But would that even be fair? Because there were so many other victims, who's families weren't slightly less desperate for answers.

…

Meanwhile, Castle was sitting somewhere in the corner of the courtyard, happy to be allowed out of his cell. After a while the walls just seemed to be getting at him and he couldn't stop imagining what other people would be doing right now.

Worrying had become almost just as a regular thing as breathing, and he felt like he was being watched all the time.

Although he was trying so hard not to go crazy, he could feel himself slowly getting paranoid.

''Hey you!'' A bright voice woke him from his thoughts.

Summer stood in front of him, looking tired, but somehow still pretty while wearing an orange prison jumpsuit and nothing done about her appearance.

''Hi.'' He greeted her as she shifted so she could sit next to him. ''How're you?''

''Same as yesterday, there's not much here to change you.'' She smiled. ''You too, I suppose?''

He nodded and stared at two guys that were arguing as a guard came to stand between them and they were cuffed, and dragged back to their cells.

''I'm going crazy.'' He then suddenly stated.

They'd been silent for a while and she stretched her back as she turned to him.

''Me too.'' She then answered. ''But I don't think that it's strange. I mean, my roommate is fucking crazy.''

''At least you still have a roommate.'' He said longing. ''The silence is just…. deafening, you know? I keep hearing all their voices, see their faces.'' He said, his head entirely somewhere else.

''Who's?'' She asked.

''My daughter's, my mother's, my… partner… her boyfriend… the sniper.. Montgomery… everyone.''

''Oh.'' She said, like she'd suddenly found out something great. ''I sense a love story there.'' She smiled.

He turned his head towards her.

''Why…?'' He said, empty-minded.

''Come on. 'her boyfriend' seriously, Rick? If you used to hang out with him he would be your friend, and if he was just her boyfriend you wouldn't hang out with him, you wouldn't be hearing his voice.'' She said in that only girls can as she laid her hand on his forearm.

''I… I don't even know where to start.'' He admitted, desperately and not caring what other's would think anymore.

He was stuck here anyway, enough people who'd judge him.

And he'd rather be judged for loving, than for hating, and taking someone's life.

**Hm. Not sure what to think of this chapter. I was going to put the whole Summer/Rick conversation and the visit to Martha in this chapter but it got too long, so I decided to stop here and post the rest tomorrow, in the next chapter.**

**Please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I know, I know, I know! This was so delayed. Don't hate me! *hides***

**I know I said I was going to give you guys regular updates b/o the vacation, but apparently that turned out to be the other way around. I was expecting a quiet, uneventful Christmas-break, but suddenly I had to go like.. everywhere. Ahaha.**

**A Lover's Revenge**

_Previously:_

''_Oh.'' She said, like she'd suddenly found out something great. ''I sense a love story there.'' She smiled. _

_He turned his head towards her. _

''_Why…?'' He said, empty-minded._

''_Come on. 'her boyfriend' seriously, Rick? If you used to hang out with him he would be your friend, and if he was just her boyfriend you wouldn't hang out with him, you wouldn't be hearing his voice.'' She said in that only girls can as she laid her hand on his forearm._

''_I… I don't even know where to start.'' He admitted, desperately and not caring what other's would think anymore._

_He was stuck here anyway, enough people who'd judge him._

_And he'd rather be judged for loving, than for hating, and taking someone's life._

Summer laid her hand on his knee, giving it an ensuring squeeze.

''You can tell me. I don't know them anyway and even if I did, your secrets are safe with me.''

''I… I've been following her around for.. four years now, I think. And.. well. God, it's such a long story and it doesn't even make sense to me.'' He said, running his hands through his hair in an desperate gesture.

She didn't say anything, silently forcing him to continue.

He didn't know what the hell he was doing, confessing one of his biggest worries to a prostitute, in the goddamn prison. Somehow it just felt right.

''I… well, since we don't have anything better to do anyways I'll just start at the beginning.'' He then sighed.

She chuckled.

''That seems like a good idea.''

''Well, four years ago, she came walking up to me, badge in her hand, looking all tough but oh so goddamn sexy.'' He almost wandered off, his mind going somewhere completely else. Then he continued. ''I asked her what I had to sign – since it was at my book launch party – she told me that some psychopath had been murdering people the way I wrote about it in my books. So she asked me for help. I stuck around for that case, and she found me extremely annoying, but god she was so sexy, and there was just something about her.

When the case was over, I asked the mayor – I am friends with him- if he could maybe help me, do me a favor. I wanted to shadow her, for research, thought she'd be an amazing character for my new book series. He agreed, and I got in.

She was furious, but as the days went by, she started to appreciate me a little more. Not that she liked me, or even considered me nice, but she accepted me. She told me about her mother's murder, and then I did the stupidest thing I've ever done, worse than killing that guy. I investigated it, and found new information and knew I had to tell her.

She was mad, but mostly hurt, because I had promised her to leave it alone. It was hard to win her back but eventually she let me back in. That was the first year. The second year we grew closer, closer to friends. And somewhere during that year I started to realize that my feelings for her were more than just attraction. I asked her to come to the Hamptons with me, but she declined, saying she couldn't. When her boyfriend asked her to come she said she'd look into it, so I realized I should distance myself. If she was happy with him, then let her be happy.

When I came back after the summer in the Hamptons she seemed… mad… angry… hurt. She didn't want to let me come back but eventually I found my way back in.

The third year, I realized I loved her, but she'd gotten a new boyfriend; Josh. Handsome with perfect hair and perfect teeth. He is a cardiac surgeon, how the hell can I compete with that?''

He paused for a moment and sighed.

''I might have left a minor detail out of that story I told you, about that warehouse and all.''

She raised a brow questioning.

''I kissed her. We kissed.'' He spoke softly, then briefly closed his eyes.

She gasped and looked at him, excited, but her face fell as she saw how broken he looked.

''We had to distract the guard, and we acted like a drunk couple. But he didn't buy it. She reached for her gun, and I stopped her and kissed her. She pulled away and I thought I'd ruined everything. Then she kissed me again. She moaned. Then she pulled away and kicked the guard down. We never talked about it again.''

''Wow.'' Summer reacted.

''She got shot, as a result of her mother's case, almost died in my arms. I told her I loved her as she was bleeding out in my arms. When she woke up from surgery, she didn't remember any of it. She didn't call me for three months.''

''Oh. That sucks.'' Summer said empathically.

''It hurt so bad, and I know it sounds pathetic but I spend those three months mostly waiting for her call. It never came.

Then she appeared on my book signing. ''Kate, you can make it out to Kate.'' I was so angry, she didn't call me for three months, then she thinks she can just appear out of the blue and everything would be okay? So we talked and she told me she'd broken up with her boyfriend and we talked. She told me something about her having a wall since her mom's murder, that she wasn't able to be the person she wants to be, or have the kind of relationship she wants to have until the wall comes down. The way she looked at me just made me feel like she was talking about me, you know?

I asked her a couple of times if she remembered anything. She said no. She didn't.

I told her I loved her and she doesn't remember it.'' He let his head drop into his hands and she laid her hand on his back.

''Maybe she does.'' She offered carefully. ''Maybe she's just not ready to hear it, maybe she doesn't believe it, that she's worth it. Maybe she thinks she imagined it.''

''Then why wouldn't she just say that?'' He groaned, not believing a word of what the young girl was saying.

''From what you've told me about her, she seems like ... a broken person. And she probably knows that about herself , that she's broken. Broken people don't believe that even cracked and scarred and bruised, people can still love them.'' She cocked her head and he looked at her.

''She's complicated. Mystery I'm never going to solve. Every time I think I know her, she does something and amazes me completely.'' He said, his eyes getting a little brighter.

…

''Hey Alexis.'' She spoke into her cellphone. ''I'm coming up now.''

She nodded friendly to the doorman as she passed him, and took she stairs up to his loft.

She put the phone away when she reached the door and knocked.

The teenager almost immediately opened the door, a suitcase is her hand and a large bag over her shoulder.

''You have everything?'' Beckett asked.

''Yeah, I think so.'' She said before locking the door and following Kate towards her car.

''Here, let me take your bags.''

She lifted the suitcase on the backseats, and placed the bag next to it before taking place into the driver's seat.

''You ready?'' She asked while starting the engines, looking at the girl sitting next to her in the passenger's seat.

…

''This is it.'' Alexis said suddenly, stopping in front of the door of room 458, her voice cutting through the awkward silence of the hospital.

Beckett didn't speak, but gave the girl a meaningful look before putting her hand on the doorknob.

What she saw when she opened the door was absolutely heartbreaking. Martha was laying in the hospital bed, attached to hundreds of wires and machines. She was still asleep, a peaceful look on her face, but it just didn't seem right.

The always so colorful and strong woman looked gray and pale, more fragile than ever.

Kate's face got pale, and she felt tears threatening to fall. Fuck. This situation was getting worse and worse, and everything around her was falling back into old patterns.

But she wasn't going to give in.

She walked closer to the bed, careful for her knees not to give out. She was feeling sick, couldn't help but see her father laying there.

She knew exactly how this felt, and she wasn't going to let it get that far.

Alexis had taken place in the chair next to the bed, holding her grandmother's hand. It was a heartbreaking sight, but was quickly disturbed by a nurse walking in.

''Oh hello there.'' She greeted them.

They politely greeted back.

''You must be Miss Rodgers' family?'' She asked.

Kate shook her head, while Alexis nodded at the same time, leaving the nurse looking confused.

''Well, Alexis is her granddaughter, I'm just… a friend of her father.'' She explained while fumbling with the sheets on the bed.

''Alright.'' She nodded while checking something on the machines next to Martha's bed. ''Well, it all looks worse than it is, so don't worry. She'll be fine, we just need to keep her hydrated and we have her on the heart monitor, just for sure. She will be released in a day, if everything is going okay.'' She gave them both an ensuring smile, and Alexis let out a relieved sigh.

''That's great.'' Kate replied thankfully.

The nurse left and they sat there for a little while more before Martha woke up. She began stirring in her sleep, and slowly opened her eyes.

When she seemed to realize she had visitors she tried to sit up, but Kate stopped her.

''Stop. It's okay.''

''Hi.'' She said weakly, a slight smile on her face, but avoiding their eyes. ''I'm sorry.'' She then whispered.

Alexis grabbed hold of her grandmother's hand again, squeezing it softly.

''It's okay. Just never do this again, alright?'' She replied, and suddenly Kate could see how young the girl was. She'd always been able to take care of herself, had been responsible, almost raised her own father, but things took their toll on her.

Martha closed her eyes as if she was in pain and rub her eyes with her hand, that was full of wires.

''Are you feeling bad?'' Alexis asked concerned.

''Just… as little weak. Nauseas. But it's okay.'' She paused for a moment. ''You're not staying alone in the loft right?'' She then asked, her eyes widening.

''No, she's staying with me. I just picked her up with all her stuff.'' Kate replied for Alexis.

Martha nodded slightly, and smiled thankfully at the woman and Kate decided she wouldn't worry the older woman any more by telling her Alexis had in deed stayed there alone until now. She didn't want her to feel guilty.

''Thanks. I hope it's not bothering you.'' She spoke, her voice hoarse and weak.

''No of course not. Really, don't you worry about that. Just rest, and get well soon, alright?'' She answered.

…

''This is it.'' Kate said as the girl followed her inside her apartment.

She took Alexis' bag and suitcase and set them next to her couch. She took off her own jacket and hung it in the hallways, then did the same with Alexis'.

''I'll show you around?'' She said. Alexis nodded and followed the brunette back to the livingroom.

''Well, this is the livingroom, you can watch tv if you want to. I've got some DVD's in the cabinet over there.'' She shrugged as she pointed at the wooden cabinet next to the tv.

They crossed the kitchen as they made their way to the guestroom.

''Plates are here.'' She opened a cabinet. ''Glasses here and here. Cutlery in the drawer over there. Some more over there. And well, here's the bin, refrigerator, freezer, dishwasher. I guess you can figure out the rest if you need something, or otherwise just ask me.''

She looked around, wondering if the girl needed any more information.

''Oh, I don't really have any proper food right now, other from…'' She opened a cabinet. ''Some kind of cereal and other vitamin-less stuff. I'll go shopping tomorrow.'' She said awkwardly as she closed the cabinet.

''If I need to do anything, like chores or go and get you something you should just tell me, you know that right. If I'm staying here I don't want to be a burden.'' Alexis noted, looking Kate straight into her eyes and for a moment the startled woman couldn't speak, only think about how much alike Alexis and her father were. Always so thoughtful, caring.

Then she spoke.

''Oh. Yeah. Of course.'' She stammered and led the girl to her temporary bedroom.

''This is your bedroom. 'T is not much, but I guess it'll do, right?'' She chuckled. ''You can just put your stuff away in the cabinets and all. Do whatever you want to do with it.''

''Oh it's very nice.'' The girl answered with a smile. ''Your apartment is bigger than I expected it to be.'' She said.

''Ah well, I'm glad I found this one after… yeah.. you know, when my apartment exploded.'' She said hesitantly, not knowing if it would make the teenager uncomfortable. She didn't seem uncomfortable, though. She just smiled and followed Kate to the bathroom.

She gasped as they reached it.

''Wow. This is really pretty!'' She exclaimed and Kate chuckled.

''Well , thank you.'' She laughed quietly. ''I have a bath, and a shower. Shampoo, body-wash, everything you need is over there. I don't know if you brought any so… use it if you need it.'' She shrugged while picking up one of the bottles.

''Yeah I brought some stuff, probably forgot loads too.''

''Ah well.'' She hummed, thinking about what more to show the girl. ''Well I have period-stuff in this drawer, if you might need that. Washcloths in the basket over there, and towels on the towel rack next to the shower.''

''Alright.'' Alexis smiled as she looked around her.

Then Kate left the bathroom, and Alexis followed her.

''Well this is my bedroom, just in case you need something at night, or I don't know. Just so you know.'' She spoke as she entered the room, took off her gun and badge and placed them in the safe, then left the room again and then walked off to show her the toilet and study.

About fifteen minutes later they both dropped on the couch. Kate looked at the father's watch.

''Wow, it's 6.30 already. You hungry?'' She asked.

''Yeah, kinda.'' She answered with a polite smile.

''You alright with take out?'' The detective asked while taking her cellphone out of her bag.

She nodded. ''Of course.''

''What do you want? Chinese, Italian, just pizza…?'' She asked as she started rumbling through one of her kitchen drawers for a menu.

''Pizza sounds great.'' She replied.

''Alright, I'll order, what do you like?'' She asked while typing in the number of the Italian take-out place in her phone.

''Just margarita is fine.''

''Alright. Oh hello, yes I'd like one pizza margarita and one al tonno.'' She paused as the person on the other side of the line took her order.

Then she gave up her address and thanked the man before putting down the phone.

''I'm gonna change out of these clothes, you can turn on the tv if you like.''

''Nah, I think I'll go unpack my stuff so I won't have to do it tonight.'' Alexis answered while standing up and grabbing her suitcase.

Kate nodded and went into her bedroom.

Minutes later she exited that same room and spotted Alexis on the couch, already finished with unpacking her stuff.

''That was quick.'' The detective commented.

She chuckled.

Then the doorbell rang.

''That'll be our pizzas. Pretty quick!'' She said as she reached for her wallet and opened the door.

The man standing in front of her door, however, was _not_ the pizza delivery guy…

''What are you doing here…?'' She said confused.

**Yup kinda weird ending, but tomorrow we'll have more. It'll probably be up a little later since I have to go to the hospital and all. Ugh. **

**I'd love it if you'd review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A Lover's Revenge**

_Previously__:_

_Then the doorbell rang._

_''That'll be our pizzas. Pretty quick!'' She said as she reached for her wallet and opened the door._

_The man standing in front of her door, however, was __not__ the pizza delivery guy…_

_''What are you doing here…?'' She said confused._

''Hey Katie.'' The warm, familiar voice of the man standing in front of her sounded. He ran his hand through his hair, almost as if he was nervous.

''Dad? What are you doing here?'' She said, a bit laughingly and a nervous edge to her voice. She tried to see her father as often as possible, even though it was hard because of her job, but he never stopped by unannounced. He'd always call first.

''Can I come in?'' He asked.

''Of course.'' She smiled as she stepped aside to let him through. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her gently but tight. When he pulled back she gave him a quick peck on his cheek. ''I… uh… actually already have a guest, but you're welcome to come and join.'' She laughed.

He looked a bit shocked, like he was only realizing something now.

''Who? A… boyfriend? Because I can come back later…'' He said awkwardly, as if he'd just walked into her making out with some guy.

She laughed, loudly and shook her head.

''No, no! You know I broke up with Josh and…''

Then Alexis opened the door from the livingroom, looking confused when spotting Jim. Kate was glad the girl decided to interrupt, because she had no idea how to tell her father that she was not planning to get together with anyone right now. Anyone but…

She forced herself to keep her mind clear for a moment, not wanting to admit it to herself.

''Hey Alexis, this is my father.'' She introduced them. ''Dad, this is Alexis.''

''Hi Mr. Beckett.'' The redhead greeted him politely and stuck out her hand, which the older man shook with a smile. ''Nice to meet you.''

''Hi, Alexis, nice to meet you too. Call me Jim by the way.'' He answered smiling.

''Thank you.'' She smiled.

''Let's go sit. It's kinda uncomfortable in here.'' Kate offered and walked to the couch where she sat down.

''So, forgive me for asking but, how exactly do you two know each other?'' Jim then finally asked, gesturing at the two girls.

''Alexis is Castle's daughter.'' Kate said, her heart clenching, not at the mention of her partner's name, but at the immediate reaction that followed, the mini-movie of him sitting in prison.

''Ah! I've heard great things about you.'' The older man replied smiling, leaving Kate with a confused look on her face.

''From who? I mean, I have mentioned her to you but I don't think we ever discussed her in detail.'' She said with a small, humorless chuckle.

''From her father.'' He said matter of factly.

''Excuse me?'' Kate said, her eyes wide open and her brows raised, and incredulous look on her face, her mouth hanging open.

''From Richard. Richard Castle.'' He clarified, but that didn't remove the stunned, slightly offended look on his daughter's face.

''When did you meet him?'' She asked, expectantly waiting for him to answer. ''I mean, I don't think you guys really got a chance to chat on Montgomery's funeral…'' She added sarcastically.

''Before the funeral. A few nights before.'' He answered, obviously not getting his daughter's reaction.

''Why did no one tell me this!'' She almost yelled. ''Why did no one ever mention this to me? Why are you people…''

Alexis was sitting on the couch awkwardly when Kate started yelling. Well, not really yelling, but she wasn't dumb, she knew the woman was trying to keep herself together. Trying not to lose her temper.

She was interrupted by the doorbell, an realized that that would be their pizzas. Both girls had totally forgotten about that.

She swore under her breath, in a language –probably Russian, her father thought- they couldn't understand. Then grabbed her purse she'd left by the door and opened it.

A few minutes later the brunette walked back in with two pizza boxes in her hands.

''Have you already eaten?'' She then asked her father, her voice normal volume again. ''We ordered two pizzas but I won't be able to eat it completely anyway.''

''That's okay.'' Her father replied.

He laid his hand on her back when she sat down next to him, trying to calm her down.

''I'm gonna grab a napkin.'' She then announced as she stood up. She walked to the kitchen, then yelled back at her father. ''Dad!''

''Yeah?'' He said as he walked to the kitchen as well, sensing she must have wanted to speak him alone.

''What the hell is going on here!'' She hissed.

He attempted to speak but she silenced him, holding up a hand.

Jim couldn't suppress a slight smile from appearing on his face. His little girl had grown up to be so much like her mother.

''Is it okay if I tell you tonight? If it's okay that I stay a little longer, of course. I mean… not that it is that bad but…'' He said.

Kate nodded.

''Alright.'' She spoke softly as she handed him a plate. ''Here.''

He accepted the plate and they both made their way back to the living area, flashing Alexis a smile.

…

Dinner went by with the usual chit-chat, all of them avoiding the elephant in the room. Castle.

When they were all finished, Jim and Alexis watched a movie while Kate did her paperwork. It was almost domestic.

Around ten Alexis announced that she was tired, and was calling it a night. They knew it was probably just an excuse to be alone for a moment, but they didn't blame her. She understood what the girl was going through.

Kate gathered the papers and put them in their folders, then walked into her bedroom and took another pile of papers out of the safe.

She'd been working on the case everyday now since Castle had shot the sniper, and it was driving her crazy. Every time they thought they might have a lead, it was just another dead end.

Esposito and Ryan had told her to take it easy, relax, she knew they were worried about her, worried that she might go down that road again. She didn't blame them, she understood. She didn't listen, though. She had to do this, for herself, for Castle, for her mother, for justice.

However, when she left her bedroom and saw her father sitting on her couch she turned around and put the files back into the safe. She couldn't do this with him around, couldn't make him see this once again. Not tonight.

''Hey.'' She spoke softly as she sat down on the other end of the couch.

''Hey.'' Her father greeted her back. ''So I guess you want to know about me meeting Rick?'' He asked.

She shrugged and bit her lower lip.

''Listen, Katie, I understand that you're mad because no one told you but I figured he would've told you when he asked you to stop investigation your mom's case.'' He started out.

''Oh, so you've seen him afterwards too?''

''No. Well at the funeral and in the hospital, but otherwise, no.'' He shook his head.

''Then how do you know that he asked me to…'' Her voice faded out, her eyes widening at the realization. ''You asked him to do it, didn't you?'' She said, her eyes sad but angry at the same time.

Jim nodded slowly.

''Yes I did. I thought he would've told you that..''

''Dad, how… I… We fought, when he came to my apartment. I told him we were over. I was so angry.''

''I'm sorry, Katie. I didn't realize… '' He said with apologetic eyes.

She shrugged once again. She'd been so mad at him for not understanding how this drove her, for not understanding that she needed to do this, but now she understood why he did what he did. She felt guilty.

''It's happened.'' She then softly spoke.

…

Castle was sitting in his cell again. He'd just had dinner and it was terrible. The food here was terrible. Even worse than his mother's cooking.

He'd already changed into his PJ's, the jumpsuit wasn't really comfortable. Sighing he picked up the notebook and smiled when he looked at the pictures he'd laid on the table. He missed them, but at least he had those pictures. It was better than nothing.

Then he picked up the pen and started writing, about what had happened today, but not in diary form, because that was way too personal. He would be Rook, and Kate would be Nikki, he'd created a new character for Summer; Sofia.

Sofia was a happy girl, positive in dark times but she had a dark hidden past.

He didn't know what though, because she hadn't told him. It wasn't like he was writing another Nikki Heat book, this was more like a diary, something to get his feelings out, but by using different characters he could take a little bit of distance so it would hurt, thinking about all of it.

…

They were still sitting on Kate's couch, they hadn't spoken for a while, but Jim had turned on the television again to fill the silence. Not that they were watching something, they were just staring.

''Dad?'' She than finally spoke, her voice on the edge of crying and breaking down.

''Yes?'' He replied as he turned his head to her, away from the television.

''Rick's in prison.'' She cried out, a sob escaping.

''I know, sweetie, I know…'' He whispered as he pulled her closer and buried his face in his daughters hair.

Suddenly she was his little girl again, crying in front of him was something she'd never done again after hearing her mother had died. She'd always turned around and left, not wanting to let him see her tears. But now she needed him.

''That's why I'm here, I wanted to know how you were holding up.'' He said while softly rubbing her back, trying to calm her down.

''I… he… he s-shot the sniper…'' She tried to speak through her tears. ''He…he k-killed a man, f-for me. To keep me s-safe…'' She sobbed, shaking heavily, her tears staining her father's shirt but neither of them cared. Right now they were a family comforting each other, something they hadn't been in a very, very long time.

Jim couldn't help but feel a little relieved. He'd read the papers, saw headlines telling him that Castle had turned in a killer, walked over to the other side. That he'd shot a man –still a John Doe- in an alley and left him there like a pile of garbage. He'd suspected something like this, because even though he had only met Rick a couple of times, and only actually had a conversation with him once, he knew him well enough to know that he would never hurt anyone on purpose, unless he had a damn good reason to.

Somehow knowing that the sniper that had tried to kill his little girl was dead made him feel better. He knew there were still people after her, but at least one _sniper_ less.

Rick had killed for his daughter, to keep her safe. And even though that wasn't right, even though Jim knew he shouldn't feel this way, he had earned himself his approval.

''Sshh. I know you Katie, you will get him out. I know it.'' He muttered softly.

She shook her head.

''But what if I don't? What if I let him down? What if I let mom down? What if he's never getting out? This is all my fault… if I hadn't…'' She cried softly.

**Just to clear things up, when I wrote this chapter I realized that Jim must've already known Alexis, or at least should've known who she was since they had seen each other in the hospital when Kate got shot. Let's just assume they didn't, okay? The rest is all the same, but Jim and Alexis didn't meet in the hospital. –Or they did but they just didn't really pay attention to each other, which I think is quite understandable given the situation and they didn't remember each other.- **

**Oh, by the way, you can follow me on tumblr –shesmelledikecherries- or twitter –AlwaysxNoor- if you want to!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Kay, I'm really, really sorry for the long delay, but I've been sick for the last week or so, and I'm not feeling really good in general so I didn't really get to write much. **

**I've read an article –an official article which they actually hand out to prisoners, guards, visitors etc- online about prison rules, well, in fact just everything you have to know about it. **

**The rules for convicted and unconvicted prisoners are clearly different, so that's why some things might look strange in the story. – I could explain it all but I'm not going to bore you with that, since you'll just read about it in the story and it isn't really relevant.- **

**Just thought I'd let you know (:**

**A Lover's Revenge**

It was almost noon when Kate woke up. She yawned loudly and stretched the sun shone through the windows –she had obviously forgotten to close the curtains- and felt warm on her skin, despite the cold fall-weather.

When she turned around once again and grabbed her blanket to pull it up higher she realized that this was not her blanker; it was much lighter and thinner, and the soft cushions beneath her head and body were definitely not her pillow and mattress.

She sat up and looked around. Luckily, she realized that she was in fact in her own apartment, and she felt a heavy burden fall off her shoulders; she couldn't imagine what she'd do if she found out she went home with someone, after a forgotten night out.

This was not the time for sleeping around, and she knew that she didn't even want to sleep with anyone, now. Because no one could stand up against him.

She wasn't going to name 'him', even though a picture of 'his' bright blue eyes and boyish smile immediately popped up into her head. Somehow not saying the name was safer, like she could still run away and hide if it all got too much.

She didn't get the time to think about that statement any longer, because she heard footsteps and soft whispers, as well as she smelled fresh coffee and pancakes.

''Good morning sleeping beauty.'' Her father's voice sounded from out the kitchen, and she sighed contently and relieved as she recalled last night events.

''Morning Kate.'' A younger, female voice joined in.

She turned her head and spotted the two of them in her kitchen; Alexis behind the stove; just turning around a pancake, while Jim was cutting up some fruit.

''Ah. G'morning.'' She groaned as she rubbed her eyes. _Shit_. She hadn't taken off her make up last night, and she'd probably rubbed the black mascara and eyeliner all over her face right now. ''Goddamnit.'' She silently cursed as she tried to undo the damage by wiping under her eyes.

''Sleep well?'' Her father asked.

''Hmm.'' She hummed, but neither in agreement or denial. ''What time is it?'' She asked sleepily.

''Around 11.00''

''Damn!'' She exclaimed shocked. ''I have to be at the precinct! I'm already like 3 hours late!'' She hastily jumped up from the couch, her blanket knocking the empty glass off the table as she threw it away.

She swore harshly; but again in another language that neither Jim or Alexis could understand. It was a habit of hers; she didn't want to be rude or unprofessional, so she almost never swore in English.

''Relax Katie.'' Her father said in a soothing voice. ''I've already called the precinct, I told them you were not feeling well. You don't have to come in today.''

''DAD!'' She yelled. ''I _have_ to go! I can't just… not go! And besides what about the case? What about Rick's case? What about mom's case!'' She panicked and Jim walked up to her.

''Hey, c'mon Katie, one day won't make a big difference. And like this..'' he gestured at her tensed posture. ''you won't solve anything. _Are_ you feeling well?''

''Yes I'm fine.'' She brushed him off, still looking at him angrily but her posture had changed; she had relaxed a little and to be honest she was not really mad anymore.

He cocked his head in disbelief but she ignored him.

''Sorry.'' She mumbled softly, several seconds later as she leaned against the counter.

''Have you guys been to the story or something?'' She then asked, realizing there was no way she would have ingredients for pancakes plus all kinds of fresh fruits an maple syrup in her fridge.

''Yeah. When I woke up your father was already here, and we decided to start breakfast.'' Alexis replied, smiling as she looked up from the pancakes.

''Oh, well thanks.'' She said as she opened the fridge and filled a glass with orange juice. ''You want some too?'' She asked as she held the bottle up and motioned to the two others.

Jim shook his head.

''No thanks.'' Alexis replied. ''Already have some.'' She motioned towards her own half-filled glass sitting on the counter.

She quickly drank the juice. Then she grabbed some plates and cutlery and put them on the kitchen table.

''So I guess you're not going to school today?'' She asked Alexis while she rearranged the pillows and fleece-blanket on her couch.

''I don't think so.'' She said a bit nervously, so Kate turned around and gave her a reassuring smile.

''That's okay. I'll be here doing a bit of paperwork I guess and uhm…'' she wasn't used to this; having to tell people what she was going to do. ''might visit your father for a bit and do a bit more shopping.''

Somehow she felt nervous speaking those words; as if Alexis would get mad at het for visiting her father. She knew she shouldn't be, but somehow she was.

''Okay. Are you going to… tell him… about Grams?'' The teen asked nervously while she flipped the last pancake onto the plate.

Her eyes flicked to her father and she remembered wanting to ask him for help with Martha's… situation. He was more experienced with that kinds of situation and although she was scared that he would get too triggered the realistic part of her knew he could help Martha.

He obviously noticed her change in behavior because she shot her a slight smile.

''I don't know. I don't want to make him worry more but I don't feel like keeping this from him. So if you're alright with it..'' She answered, her voice shaking a little.

''Yes.'' She almost whispered, her voice hoarse and unsteady. She didn't want her dad to know but she knew, and was honest enough not to keep this from him. It would be unfair. ''I don't think I will go today.'' She added. She didn't want to face him after he'd gotten to hear the news. She couldn't bear that.

…

''So what is going on with Alexis' grandmother?'' Jim asked suddenly.

Kate was driving, Jim next to her in the passengers-seat, on their way to the prison. She looked out of the window, trying to ignore her father's eyes.

''She… she took the news hard. Drank too much. She's in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.'' She tried to keep the emotion out of her voice but failed. This was too much like before.

Her father gulped.

''Castle doesn't know yet. So, if it's okay I'd like to have some private time with him.''

He nodded.

''Of course. And.. do you want me to talk with her?'' He asked knowingly.

She sighed softly.

''I don't know. If you want to that would be great but I don't…. you know?'' She shrugged, but the tears were already threatening to spill.

He laid his hand on her shoulder.

''It's okay, Katie. I'll talk to her.'' He reassured her and she nodded thankfully.

…

''Hey.'' He said as she took place across from him. The bags under his eyes had gotten worse and his eyes had lost even more of their usual brightness and sparks.

She took a moment to get herself together before answering.

''Hi.'' She spoke, almost a little shy. What was happening to her? Kate Beckett, shy? Never, and absolutely with Castle. Maybe it was more like nervousness, yeah that should be it. She didn't want to hurt him, break his heart, because she knew what it felt like. ''How are you?''

''Fine. I'll manage. How… have you checked up on my mother yet?'' He asked, meeting her eyes.

His voice was unsteady yet hopeful, but when he saw the look in her eyes his changed from hopeful to terrified and he turned his head down.

''What happened?'' He whispered hoarsely.

''Castle…'' She tried. ''She… I went to your apartment yesterday morning. Alexis didn't want me to come in… I think she was.. embarrassed or something, but..'' She paused and took a deep breath, then put her hand on top of his. ''I went into Martha's room.'' She briefly closed her eyes. ''she wasn't there. There were alcohol bottles stocked in a corner, Alexis had tidied it up a bit, she didn't want to throw them out, she knew it would look suspicious. Then she told me… that Martha… she took the new hard and she drank too much. She's in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. Alexis brought her there.'' She finished her story, kept looking in his eyes. They were moist and sad.

''But she will be fine!'' She quickly added as she squeezed his hand softly. ''She'll be able to go home tomorrow.''

He let go of a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding and closed his eyes in relief.

''Thank god.'' He mumbled under his breath. ''But.. Is Alexis home alone?'' He then asked worried.

''No. The night after she'd brought your mother to the hospital she was alone but after I found out what happened the next morning, I told her to come and stay with me if she wanted to.''

A slight smile appeared on his lips.

''Thank you, Kate.'' He said smiling. ''I hope it doesn't bother you?'' He then asked.

She shook her head and chuckled.

''No, of course not. I mean, I'm not used to living with someone, or even having someone around like that but it's nice. Alexis is a great girl.'' She reassured him. ''My dad was there too yesterday. He came by unannounced.''

He looked surprised.

''He told me.'' She said and he furrowed his brow in confusion. ''About what he asked you to do. When he came to visit you.'' She clarified.

''Oh.'' He said, looking down and sighing softly. ''I'm sorry. I…I just thought…''

''No. Sssh. It's okay.'' She spoke. ''You should've just told me that he asked you to. Then I wouldn't have gotten so angry with you. But it's okay, it's in the past.''

He shrugged. He had a thousand words to say but he didn't know quite how and which so he just wisely kept his mouth shut.

''You know… I'd stay but my dad is here too and he asked me if he could talk to you so… I'll send him in, okay?'' She said while making an attempt to get up.

''Can't you stay?'' He asked, very aware of the fact that he sounded like a petulant child.

She shook her head.

''He wanted to speak with you. Privately.'' She shrugged as she stood up.

''Oh. Okay. I'll see you around then, I guess.'' He smiled hesitantly as he rose from the bench as well.

She nodded.

''Stay strong, okay?'' She said as she stepped in closer, placed her hand on his left shoulder and pecked him on his cheek, lips lingering a little longer than needed.

Then she turned around, as before he knew it, she stood in the doorway, waiting in line for the search.

He just stood there and stared at her while he brought his hand up to his cheek.

Kate _freaking_ Beckett had just kissed him.

Well maybe not _kissed_ kissed him, but… she _kissed_ him!

That…

He didn't even know what was happening in his mind right now. It might just have been a little peck on the cheek, but for them… that was so much more.

He was still staring at her when she turned around and smiled at his. Not a wide, bright, tooth-baring smile, but that small smile he loved so much on her. Then she disappeared and her father walked in.

He approached him quickly.

''Hey Rick!'' He said smiling as he took place on the bench.

''Uh. Hey.'' He said absentmindedly, still staring at the –now empty- doorway.

''You okay?'' Jim asked with a slight chuckle.

''Yes. Uh yes! Yes sorry.'' He said, as if he woke up from a daydream. He sat back down and straightened his suit. ''Sorry, how are you?''

''I'm good, how are _you_?'' He asked, raising a brow.

''I'll manage.'' He said with a fake smile and a shrug.

They talked for a little, about Alexis and Kate, small things, until Jim suddenly got serious.

''Listen Rick.'' He started. ''Katie told me about what happened, and I do not know the exact details but I think I know enough about you to know that you would never do something like this unless you had no other choice. So I believe in you. And I want to… thank you. For keeping my daughter safe. For caring about her. For loving her.'' He said seriously as he laid his hands on the table and watched the man in front of him deep into his eyes.

He was a bit startled at his choice of words. Love? He was right, yes, but was it that obvious?

''And… I told Katie about me asking you to keep her away from Johanna's case. I'm sorry that it ended the way it did, but thank you Rick. Thank you. You're a great man.''

He didn't answer. Didn't know how.

''And you surely have my approval.'' He then added with a suggestive smile, cocking a brow.

''Oh… sir I..'' he stuttered. ''We're not…''

''Oh. I know. I know a lot more than you think I do, Rick. Maybe even more than you.'' He said smiling.

''Well, thank you. I guess.'' He said awkwardly. ''I'm happy to do anything for her.'' He said, hoping it wouldn't sound to cheesy, but Jim just smiled.

…

''So, what did you guys talk about?'' Beckett asked, trying to sound casual when her father sat down in the passenger's seat.

''Oh, nothing special.'' He lied as he shrugged. ''You?''

''Nothing special.'' That was true, well except for telling him about Martha but her father already knew that. They didn't _talk_ about anything special.

…

''Oh my god.'' Rick exclaimed as he found Summer sitting on the same bench as earlier.

''What?'' She said as she looked up and chuckled slightly at his childish excitement.

''She _kissed_ me!'' He hissed, his eyes almost popping out of his head. He didn't know why he felt comfortable with sharing these things with the girl, but then again, she was the only sane one around here. he knew Kate would kill him if she would ever get to know this, but well, she wouldn't.

''What!'' She exclaimed again.

''Well, not really. But, on my cheek.'' He said as he sat down beside the girl. ''I mean that is just a big step for her!'' He added.

She laughed.

''You're such a little boy. How old are you? I should be the childish one here.'' She joked, but then friendly slapped his shoulder.

''That's so sweet, what happened?'' She continued asking, almost interrogating him.

''I don't even know, she came to visit me, told me about my mother…'' his face fell for a second before he continued. His mother's condition was sad, but knowing that she was going to be okay, he'd rather focus on Kate's lips on his cheek. ''and when she left, she kissed my cheek and then she was gone!''

Summer laughed.

''You've got it real bad, boy!'' She laughed.

He shrugged.

''Have you never been in love? As in really, really in love?'' He asked.

''Of course.'' She said and suddenly her smile disappeared. ''But c'mon. I'm a prostitute, a whore. Who'd love a whore?'' She asked softly.

**Hm, so as you might have noticed this was a bit fluffier than usual, but the fluff-level might increase in the next chapters, although there will also be some more angst later on.**

**I'll also dig deeper into Summer's character, and well, you'll see that in the next chapters (:**

**Let me know what you think!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: So sorry for the long delay –again- I'm not going to bore you with a long A/N again, but things are simply not going so great, so I have less time/energy to write. So the updates may take a little longer (although not as long as this one, I hope)**

CHAPTER 11.

…

_Previously:_

_''Have you never been in love? As in really, really in love?'' He asked._

_''Of course.'' She said and suddenly her smile disappeared. ''But c'mon. I'm a prostitute, a whore. Who'd love a whore?'' She asked softly.  
><em>  
>He didn't know how to answer that. She was right, he wouldn't want to have a girlfriend whose 'job' was sleeping with other men. He couldn't imagine anyone would.<p>

But then again, real love, faith wouldn't care.

He put his hand on her knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm sorry." he then softly spoke. "I don't want to sound like a cliché and tell you it will be okay but... it will be okay. Eventually. If you work for it." he said and they both chuckled lightly despite the heaviness of their conversation.

"Yeah. I know. I've been hearing that for almost ten years now and not a fuck has changed. I do believe they're right but.. Maybe in another way than they think those words are meant. Maybe it will be okay in the end, but how can it not? I mean, in the end we all die. We're all going to be released from our burdens and past and all that kind of fuckery. When you die it all stops so that should be okay. But I don't _want_ it to be okay _in the end_." She said as she looked down. "I want it to be okay _before_ the end, so I can at least enjoy the whole 'okay-ness thing' for a while before I'm dead. Or old and grey but I'm not exactly looking forward to that either."

"Yeah I know. Me too." He said. He seemed to be thinking about something for several minutes until he spoke up again. "Can I ask you something?" He asked reluctantly.

"That depends on what it is." She answered lightly as she ran her fingers through her long chestnut colored hair.

"About... why you're here?" He continued, carefully inspecting her reaction. He saw her tense up a little.

"Then no." She said and he felt a sudden sense of déjà vu. Somehow her behavior was looking more and more like Kate's, but then again; that probably was just his over-active imagination, missing his muse.

"You know about me. And I won't judge." He pried some more. Part of him felt like he was pushing her too far, but somehow he felt like it wouldn't matter. Summer was strong and independent; she would let him know when he crossed the line.

''No.'' She stubbornly said, she turned her head so she was facing him. Her eyes pierced right through his soul and he almost shivered.

Suddenly the maybe even strangely happy girl changed into a stern broken woman. She completely shut down and he could see how dull her eyes turned when she looked at him.

''Okay.'' He said, deciding to leave it like this and maybe try another time.

They didn't talk for the rest of the time. They just sat there, both lost in their own thoughts, scared of what might come.

…

''I'm going to do some shopping, maybe you want to come with me?'' Kate asked while grabbing her purse and a bigger bag.

''Yes that sounds good.'' The teenager answered smiling. ''Just let me get my stuff.''

''Do you wanna go and visit Martha?'' She softly asked her father. ''I mean, if you still want to. Because I can drop you off on my way to the store.'' She looked down. This part of her past was hard to talk about, maybe even harder than her mom.

Talking about her mom hurts. A lot. But talking about the way her dad dealt with it…? That might be even harder; she didn't want him to be ashamed of himself, but she knew that he would be, and what made it worse was that he had every reason to be.

So they never talked about it. Never again.

There were small things, sure. Like not drinking alcohol when he was visiting her, like not talking about addictions with him; stuff like that. But they never actually _talked_ about it. Never named it.

So this was hard. For both of them.

''Yeah, sure.'' He nodded, giving his daughter a reassuring smile while he walked over to the hall to grab his coat.

…

''Are you sure you'll be okay?'' She asked concerned; a little nervous.

But her father nodded once again and squeezed her hand.

''I'll be fine, honey. Go to the store, I'll handle this. I'll be back at your apartment tonight, okay?'' He smiled at her, and got up from his seat.

Suddenly she felt like a little girl again, her father comforting her when she needed it.

That thought made her cringe a little inside; almost brought tears to her eyes. It made her wish that the past never happened; as if she didn't do so usually, but in another way. It made her wish that they'd been stronger; comforted each other at the only time in their lives they really needed it.

But they didn't, and they couldn't change what had happened. So she took a deep breath and he opened the door, got out of the car, shut the door again and headed towards the hospital entry with a steady pace. Only stopping once to wave at them.

…

''Anything special you want?'' She asked while putting two boxes of cereal in the cart.

Alexis shook her head.

''No, nothing I can think of.'' She answered.

''If you come up with something, or just something for dinner, just name it.'''

The girl nodded and continued reading the shopping list Kate had given her.

''Hey! Alexis!'' A woman suddenly exclaimed as she approached the two of them.

Alexis sighed, loudly enough for Kate to hear and looked at her, her eyes telling her exactly how happy she was with this situation; not happy at all.

She looked around and saw the blonde coming towards them, carrying a shopping bag on one arm, and an expensive brand purse on the other. Gina.

She cringed inwardly, not per se because the woman was 'a threat' but more because of what she felt last time she saw the woman.

''Hey Gina..'' Alexis greeted her ex-step-mother back with a smile that –to Kate- couldn't be more insincere, but Gina didn't seem to notice it.

''Hello, detective Beckett!'' She greeted her.

''Hi, Gina.'' She said, mimicking Alexis' expression, although she was convinced she was hiding it a little better.

''What are you doing here?'' She said, hugging Alexis, for as far that that was possible with bags on each arm.

''You know… just… shopping.'' Alexis answered; as if that wasn't obvious.

Gina laughed. She wasn't a mean or unsympathetic woman, not at all. She was quite respectable and her intentions were pure, she could believe that. It was just… her first real experience with the publisher hadn't been that pleasant and…

She pushed the thoughts out of her mind.

''I mean, you two, I didn't know you were close?'' She said, and Kate was suddenly well aware of how they were standing there; in the middle of the path in the grocery store; an image she'd always hated; woman chatting each other up as if they were standing in the park.

''Well, Alexis is staying with me.'' The detective answered, a slight smile on her face. She didn't want to be 'proud' that the teenager had chosen her over Gina, but somewhere deep inside, she knew she did. ''You know, since the… situation.'' She added, a little softer.

Gina nodded understandingly.

''Oh, yes. What has the guy gotten himself into now again..'' She sighed, but her eyes gave away her good intentions. She was nervous too, they could easily see that. She tried to mask it, to be the strong, stern woman she made them all believe she was, but even though they were no longer together, she still cared for him.

That made Kate respect her a little more. Maybe they weren't so different at all.

''Yeah.'' She said, ''It'll be okay.'' She gave them both a reassuring smile, but she wasn't even that convinced herself.

''Well.'' She started. ''I think I'll leave you two to it then, and do my own shopping.'' She smiled as she took a step back. ''It was nice seeing you, Lex. I haven't seen you in such a long time!''

''Yeah. You too.'' The girl replied, timid, but no matter how uncomfortable she seemed to be with this encounter, she could see she cared for Gina. ''You should call someday. Maybe hang out when Dad doesn't try to flee from you.'' She chuckled.

She nodded and turned around, but after she'd taken a few steps Kate called out to her.

''Gina?''

She turned around, clearly surprised.

''Yes?''

''You.. um.. you could come over one day? I mean, if you want to? We don't know how long everything is gonna take with Rick and all, so…'' She half stammered, trying to come over casual but failing.

''That'd be nice.'' She smiled. ''I'll call you, Alexis, okay?''

They nodded. And Kate looked on the shopping list to see what else they might need.

''That was nice.'' Alexis started, smiling at the detective as she put a sack of apples in the cart. ''but… you don't have to do this, you know that right? It's your home, and well.. we all know how Gina can be sometimes.''

''It's no problem, really.'' She responded. Strangely, she didn't really have a problem with Gina coming over.

''So…'' She said, looking over at the redhead. ''What's for dinner?''

…

**Sorry that this chapter was so short; I just wanted to post something so you guys would know I'm still alive (:**

**So, this chapter kind of took a strange turn; it is nothing like I wanted it to be at first. I originally had Alexis meet a friend, but… well, I don't know why but then this happened… hmm. **

**Also; I am not sure if I should use what Rick writes in his journal-thingy in this story or that I should use it as a separate story. I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me know what you think (:**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Before I start this chapter, I want to say I'm sorry for the delay. I literally do not even dare to look at the last update-date (woah that's weird) because I think it has been like half a year since then. God, I'm so embarrassed! **

**However, there is also a good side to the long delay because after the events of Always, we have more information about the sniper and whatever I was going to write about the case will be much more believable and canon xd. **

CHAPTER 12.

…

__''No!'' She mumbled panicky as she awoke, moving restlessly in her bed; the sheets soaked with sweat while her hair was sticking against her face.

The relieve was huge when she realized it had been just a dream, but her heartbeat was still adjusting, going back to its normal rhythm and the tears were still evident on her face. Slowly she sat up and brushed her hair out of her face.

He'd died. He'd died in her dream and it had felt so real.

She heard stumbling in the living room and clutched the sheets tightly in her hands. her heart started beating faster again and she felt the familiar feeling of a panic attack rising up.

She couldn't risk it; not right now.

Her dad had gone home after he'd visited Martha; but only after making her promise to call if she needed anything. Alexis had gone to sleep only a couple of hours after dinner. She was tired from all the emotions.

Then the door opened and she was already reaching for her gun in the nightstand.

''K-kate?'' A nervous voice sounded.

She pulled her hand back in and sighed. Alexis.

It's just Alexis.

''Yes?'' She is surprised by the hoarse sound of her voice.

''I-uh. Are you okay?'' The girl asks; still standing in the doorway.

She nods, even though it's dark and she can't properly see it.

''Yeah. I'm fine, why?'' Her voice is wavering and it's only then she realizes her face is wet with tears. Shit.

''I-uh, I thought I heard you crying,'' Alexis whispers; she sounds scared.

''I'm sorry,'' she replies just as quietly.

The redhead closes the door behind her and walks over to the bed. Awkwardly she sits down.

''It's just a bad dream,'' Beckett says.

She doesn't get an answer. She wants to say something; anything that makes the girl go back to sleep. She doesn't want her to see her like this; doesn't want to be weak and she doesn't want to scare her either.

Alexis opens her mouth to say something, but before any sound comes out Kate's phone starts ringing on her nightstand.

Both women jump up once the phone on the nightstand starts vibrating. Kate, happy with the interruption, quickly answers the call.

''Beckett,'' she says, voice clearer again.

''Yo, Beckett,'' she hears Esposito say. ''We got a lead.''

…

''Guys, what have we got?'' she calls out as she purposefully strides towards the two male detectives standing in front of the murder board.

''Owners of a hotel close to the alley contacted us saying they recognized him. Apparently he was staying in one of their rooms for the past week under the name of Cole Maddox. It's probably a cover identity but at least it's something,'' Esposito elaborated while he scribbled down some things on the board.

Ryan handed her a print; a copy of a driver's license. Numbers and letters blurred in front of her own eyes; this was it. This is the man who shot her; the man Castle shot for her.

This was all they had to try and convince the jury of Castle's innocence; but how the hell were they going to link this guy to her mother's case?

They'd been on it every day since the shooting, but the calls Castle claimed to have made seemed nonexistent, and the phonenumber he gave her was no longer in use.

These guys were too powerful; they manipulated every piece of evidence they'd gotten ever, and now nothing seemed real anymore.

Sighing she sits down in her chair.

''We'll just need to prove that he made those calls…'' Ryan said softly as he stood next to her chair. ''Once we got those records it'll be clear that he was not the one who initiated all of this. It's the only piece of evidence we need to get him out.''

…

**This is horribly short, but I'd promised a couple of you to update within a few days and wanted to let you all know that YES I will DEFINITELY continue writing this story, and although I will try to update more regularly again, I wasn't really able to write anything longer for at least today and maybe 1 or 2 days because I'm getting a new laptop and I have to transfer all my files etc. **

**So sorry for that, but I'll promise you it won't take months to upload the next chapter!**


	13. Chapter 13

A LOVER'S REVENGE

...

It's been hours, and nothing has come up yet. Ryan and Esposito have been working their asses of she knows that they've been trying to do as much as possible even when there was nothing to be done.

They just wanted to close this case for her; they wanted Castle out; they wanted justice for Beckett, Castle, and eventually for her mother.

But it hadn't been enough, because there were still no further than they were hours before, only know they knew all the places that he hadn't slept, all the calls that he didn't make, all the people that he didn't know, and all the places were her wasn't right now.

She sighs and rubs her face, trying to wake herself up a little. It's dark outside and she can't help but think that if Castle were here right now, he would have forced her to go home because it was late, and she needed to properly eat and sleep and rest.

But he wasn't here, and all she'd been able to actually focus on today after they realized that even this lead was shit, was Castle. Castle. Castle. Castle.

She wanted to see him.

She missed him.

…

It's even later when she finally leaves the precinct and makes her way to her car. She ordered the guys to go home, surprisingly, and was the first one to call it a night.

They'd looked surprised when she'd told them she was going home, and when she disappeared behind elevator doors she just caught a glimpse of Ryan stuffing some files in his bag.

Her fingers are cold as she tightly wraps them around the steering wheel of her car and her stomach grumbles; reminding her of how poorly she's taken care of herself these last few days.

She turns on the heat in the car and rummages through her bag, looking for a granola bar she can remember throwing in there a couple of days ago. When she finds it, it's completely de-formed, but she rips the package off it anyway and takes a bite.

It makes her empty stomach feel better, but she doesn't taste anything.

She stuffs the wrapper in one of the cup holders in between the seats, and she cringes as she remembers lashing out on Castle when he used to do that, but then curses herself because _it's not like he's dead._

…

He was already getting ready for bed when one of the guards opens the lock on his celldoor, slaps the cuffs around his wrists and loudly orders him to come with him. It's not late, and he wasn't tired, but there wasn't much to do here in his tiny little room –least it sounded better than cell- and all he did when he wasn't allowed out was write, daydream – not really necessary to say about what or whom- and sleep.

He's confused, because it's long after visiting hours and being the mystery writer he is, all he can come up with are theories that do not end well for him. He wants to ask where they are bringing him, but the guard is not one of the nicer ones, and he doesn't want to risk anything, so he wisely keeps his mouth shut.

''Better make it quick,'' he guard says, obviously irritated, as they stop in front of the door that leads to one of those stalls in which the prisoners can meet their family and friends, although they are still separated by a thick glass wall and can only talk through a phone. Castle has never been in one of those before; he's only met his friends and family in the actual meeting rooms. (the ones where you actually are allowed a 15 second hug and sit at the same table after both your guest and you are cleared of everything in your pockets, sniffed at by a police dog and went through a metal-detector)

The curtain between him and his –still mystery- visitor is closed as he sits down on the uncomfortable plastic chair that is stuck to the ground.

The guard does not remove the cuffs and does not leave; instead he pushed a button so that the curtain disappears, and takes place behind Rick.

Kate appears; looking nervous and pale as she fumbles with the wire of the phone.

''Hey,'' he awkwardly says.

''Hey,'' she replies through the phone, and her voice sounds though the speaker that sits on the wall next to him.

''It's late,'' he states, ''how did you even get in?''

''Being a cop helps,'' she says with a small smile.

They're silent for a little while, and the presence of the prison guard standing behind him does not making talking any easier. It's hard not to turn around and look at the tough looking, bald guy.

''How's the case going?'' he decides to ask her. Neutral subject. Kinda.

''We caught a lead this morning,'' she says, ''but we still can't prove that those phone-calls were ever made. The records just seem to have disappeared,'' she sighs. ''I'm sorry.''

''Don't be,'' he smiles reassuringly. ''It'll be okay.''

She looks down at her lap.

''I just want you to get out, Rick,'' she says, and her voice sounds surprisingly fragile. She wants to tell him she misses him terribly even though she comes to see him everyday; this is just not the same. She wants to tell him she feels like this is all her fault, but she doesn't want him to think she is just saying that. She doesn't want his pity.

All she can think about is how she has missed her chance; let so many pass like it was nothing and now not even their fingers could brush, and they couldn't drink coffee together; not even the terrible monkey-pee-in-battery-acid poison form the old precinct coffee machine.

If she's really honest, she doesn't know why she came to see him tonight; it's not like she has anything new and important so say.

-or, well, she does. But it is not like is going to say that.

She just wanted to see his face, but seeing him so pale and looking ten years older even though it's only been days makes the knot in her stomach tighten even more than before rather than ease it.

''I miss you,'' she whispers so softly she doubt if he would have even heard it if not for the speaker in the small room that makes her voice sound twice as loud.

He looks her in the eye.

''I miss you too,'' he says, and she knows he completely understands.

She lifts her free hand, then, and puts it against the glass; ignoring the angry glare from the guard standing behind him.

He does the same and places his hand at exactly the same spot on the other side of the glass.

She doesn't feel his hand, she can't squeeze it in an effort to comfort him; doesn't even feel the warmth of it through the thick glass.

She could cry.

…

**A/N: Another short chapter, but at least it's something, uh (: **

**Let me know what you think?**


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